#Hidan just thinks it’s bad luck

[ladykissingfish]

*reading the Help Wanted ads in the paper*

Hidan: Oi, here’s one for a Clown to perform at kid’s birthday parties. Holy shit; clowns can make up to $100,000 a year?!

Kakuzu: And just think, you’ve been acting like one all these years for free.

[greatideas-badwriter]

Worth The Risk: Chapter 5

Sasuke wanted to curse and pull his hair out.

'Why the hell did I do all that?'

Currently, he was driving his newly hired housekeeper back into town toward Akatsuki's main house. He was walking the few blocks back to his car after handling some business for Yahiko when he saw familiar pink hair. How he acted for the next hour was so out of character; he was concerned Sakura would expect him to always be so kind.

'She's sadly mistaken if so.'

"Don't tell anyone what happened today, got it?" He felt her big green eyes turn onto him but kept his gaze on the road.

"Afraid your buddies will make fun of you for treating me like a human being?" The woman's constant sarcasm ground his nerves to the bone, and now that she no longer looked like the crying protagonist in a television drama, it wasn't as easy to overlook.

"I'm fucking serious. Keep your mouth shut, Sakura."

She went silent, so he glanced over to see her nod with mild fear on her pretty features.

'It's too easy to scare her, and she's so bad at hiding it. The guys are going to eat her alive. I should've thought about that before offering to take her in.'

More than he was angry at himself for acting without thinking, he was confused because no person, male or female, had ever made him panic like that. They talked on the phone the other day, and then she began ignoring his calls and texts, so Sasuke knew Sakura wanted nothing to do with him. She was wise to feel that way, too.

Sure, he's never been rejected in his life, but if it was anyone else doing the ghosting, he'd have simply moved on rather than waste more time. No, the Uchiha man had a handful of Akatsuki's lower-ranking members searching Otogakure's colleges for pink-haired girls, only to come up empty-handed. If he hadn't run into her on the street earlier, he likely would've stopped by her place sometime today.

'And none of that is something I'd do. If anyone finds out, she may be targeted as a hostage.'

Again, the fact that he's only worried about her well-being when it's him who may be in trouble with Yahiko and Konan for hiring an unknown woman felt insane.

The man glanced at Sakura again, admiring how her messy ponytail somehow looked feminine and attractive, before quickly averting his gaze back to the road. Sasuke Uchiha feared he'd developed an obsession. Through the years, he experienced short-lived hyper-fixations on hobbies, music, or belongings, but never with a human being.

Before calling her the other day, he planned to determine if Konan's theory that the woman had been assaulted in the past was true but somehow found himself getting over everything she'd done within the few minutes of conversation they had.

'Whether it's true or not doesn't matter. I need to figure out what makes her different from other women before I go fucking crazy.'

"When we get there, keep your head down and don't speak. Got it?"

Sakura mumbled, "Why?"

He couldn't just come out and say that she'd agreed to work for one of the two most significant gangs in Otogakure, could he? "I'm paying you more than double what someone else would, so just shut up and do as I say."

A barely audible huff met his ears, and he gritted his teeth but didn't comment on it because she'd wordlessly agreed.

When they arrived, he grabbed her duffle bag and firmly held her hand in his while leading her up the steps to the massive house's porch.

"...Sasuke?"

He ignored her uncomfortable tone, "Quiet."

When they stepped into the house, he thought they might've lucked out because no one was in the den, but upon leading her up the stairs, they ran into Hidan, who was leaving his bedroom with nothing but a pair of boxers on.

'That's just great.'

His friend's eyes landed on her, then jumped up to him in disbelief. He hissed, staring at Sakura again, "What the hell is she doing here? Do you have a fucking death wish?"

Sasuke's eyes narrowed when he felt the woman unconsciously move slightly behind him. The unfamiliar protective emotion that swept over him wasn't welcome, but it also wouldn't go away just because of that.

"Mind your own damn business."

He opened the door across the hall from Hidan's room, glancing at the woman and ordering, "Wait in there." She nodded, accepting her duffle bag and silently entering the room, closing the door once inside.

Turning to face Hidan again, Sasuke threatened him, "Keep your mouth shut until I get a chance to tell Yahiko."

"Who the fuck do you think you're talking to, Pretty Boy?" The men came chest to chest, both glaring and brimming with inflated egos.

Eventually, the Uchiha sighed, stepping back to run a stressed hand through his tousled hair, "Just let me talk to him first, okay?"

Hidan leaned against his own bedroom door, arms crossed as he tilted his head with narrowed eyes. In case Sakura was trying to eavesdrop, he whispered, "What's going on? First, you pissed Kakuzu off by starting a fight with the bitch. Then, you were mad she tried to fuck you and stalked her. Now, you're trying to move her in? This isn't like you, Man."

Sasuke's brow twitched, glare flaring up again, "She's the first one to put up a fight, so I want to take my time and have fun with her."

It was a half-lie.

It was true that he didn't intend to give up trying to bed the gorgeous woman, but he didn't ask her to come home with him solely for that reason. Honestly, he didn't plan ahead and acted recklessly. If he didn't tell everyone she was just a plaything, things would become much more complicated than they already would be.

Hidan sighed, rolling his eyes, "Well, good luck. If Yahiko doesn't kill you, then Itachi will."

The door he leaned against opened, and a slender hand grabbed his wrist. A distinctly feminine voice spoke, "What's taking so long? Come back to bed."

The silver-haired man smirked at whatever woman was inside before glancing at Sasuke again, "See you later if you survive." Then he disappeared into his room again, the sound of a woman's surprised squeal barely muffled by the thick wooden door.

Sasuke turned to face his own bedroom door, closing his eyes and taking a calming breath before going inside. Sakura didn't even set her bags down, standing in the middle of the room and surveying the dark space. She looked his way when he shut the door behind him, still not speaking.

'And she looks like a shivering little bunny again.'

"I need to run an errand, so just hang out in here til I get back," he took his watch off, tossing it onto the messy desk by the dresser before nodding at her, "Quit being so damn awkward, will you? You're putting me on edge."

Sakura swallowed nervously, looking around the room again, her face pale, "...Should I be worried?"

'Why's she asking? There's no way she hasn't picked that up on her own.' He wanted to scoff and chastise her for asking such a stupid question, but his mouth went dry when she met his eye again.

Looking away, he rubbed the back of his head and glared at the floor, "You'll be fine; just don't leave the room while I'm gone." Without another word or glance her way, he turned and left the room.

While descending the steps, his hands clenched into fists, jaw clenching angrily, 'It happened again. It was a mistake to bring her here, but I can't take it back now. Hidan already saw her, and if I sneak her out and suddenly change the plan, she'll want to know why.'

Yahiko, Konan, and Kakuzu were in the kitchen, the latter cooking something and the other two sitting at the dining table looking at something on the leader's laptop screen.

No one bothered looking up or greeting him, but he had no choice but to get the uncomfortable conversation out of the way. Grabbing two beers from the fridge, he looked down at them before returning them and opting for the tall bottle of whiskey from the shelf above the appliance.

Then, he leaned against the kitchen counter, eyes trained on the couple that leads Akatsuki, "So, Konan, remember how you and a few of the others said it'd be nice to have a maid a while back?"

All eyes in the room turned onto him, the blue-haired woman immediately understanding the situation, "Don't tell me you-" "I already hired her."

Yahiko said, "Without first gaining permission? Surely, I don't need to tell you my thoughts."

Sasuke nodded, "I get it, but hear me out first. She'll cook and clean, and I'll take care of her wages personally."

The couple shared a look before Konan stood and walked around the table with a suspicious expression, "And what might this maid's name be? You seem awfully eager to have her around."

The man sighed, admitting in a less confident voice, "Sakura. I don't know her last name."

A loud thump came from behind him, and he closed his eyes because he'd already expected grief from Kakuzu, whether or not the leaders accepted the woman.

"What are you playing at, Uchiha? It's bad enough I had to fire her, but now you want to trap her in this lion's den?"

"Who is this Sakura to you?" Yahiko asked, standing as well. His fingers twitched by his side as he came closer, making the hairs on the back of Sasuke's neck stick up.

'He has at least one gun and knife.'

Konan gasped before narrowing her orange eyes into a glare, "She's not the woman from the alleyway, is she?"

Sasuke stood there with a face that properly emoted his loss for words.

The woman groaned, covering her eyes with one hand, "Damn it, Sasuke. What's gotten into you lately?"

The leader glared down at him, voice lower and more threatening, "I forbid it. Tell her not to come."

Sasuke stood his ground despite being incredibly on edge. Three murderers surrounded him, after all. "She'll sign a contract," he met the leader's glare with a resolute stare, "As the member responsible for over twenty percent of the family's earnings in the past year, I request you make an exception this time."

Yahiko's brown eyes narrowed, "Say I allow it. What will you do when she betrays us? Will you prove yourself disloyal?"

"If she betrays us, I will personally take care of things. You have my word."

The two men stared one another down in silence for a very long, tense moment before the taller one took a single step back, sighing, "Very well. I'll have Nagato draft an employment contract this evening. Send him any details you may have discussed. When will she arrive?"

"She's already in my room."

"...I advise you to reevaluate your ability to make sound decisions in the near future," Yahiko said in a deadpan voice, running a hand through his hair while returning to his seat at the dining table. Holding back the strong urge to sigh with relief, Sasuke headed for the exit, only to be stopped again. "Don't let something like this happen again."

Glaring ahead, he nodded before heading for the stairs.

'What was I thinking? That man is dangerous, and I know that, but I came into this house willingly! Sakura, why? Why! Why! Why!'

Sakura walked around the large bedroom, inspecting its details while also being too afraid to sit or touch anything. She was trying to learn all she could about Sasuke.

So far, she'd learned that he preferred dark colors like burgundy, navy blue, and black. He also had studying materials spread messily over the large desk that seemed to revolve around business management and related topics. Besides that, the man's room was tidier than expected and lacked real personalization.

'He's a private person, I think. That's not surprising. Those that bark the loudest have the most to hide.'

The door to the room opened suddenly, making the woman yelp in surprise, whipping around to see Sasuke shoot her a look that said whatever errand he'd just run wasn't something he enjoyed. "Sit," he barked while gesturing to the bed.

'...He doesn't expect me to…?' Terror washed over the woman, and she took a step back, trying to devise a plan of escape though he stood between her and the only exit.

He lifted a brow, "It's clean if that's what you're worried about."

With no way out, Sakura sat on the furthest edge of the bed, green eyes trained on the imposing man.

He leaned against the desk, taking a sip out of a liquor bottle that she somehow only just noticed, "Some rules. Don't break any of them. You don't want to find out what'll happen."

He held out the bottle, offering it to her. When she lifted a palm to turn it away, he shrugged, taking another sip before continuing as though reading a list he found uninteresting, "You'll be responsible for maintaining all public spaces. If anyone asks you to enter their room for any reason, get my permission first."

Sakura nodded, still too nervous to speak.

Sasuke's eyes narrowed, and he stood straighter, "You are not to speak to anyone about anything you may overhear or see, no exceptions."

"The way you're talking, it's like an NDA," she jokingly said, trying to keep herself calm.

"That's exactly what this is. You'll be signing one."

Her blood ran cold, and she stood, brow furrowing, "Sasuke, what exactly-" "Don't ask questions you know I'm not going to answer. That's another rule."

"You just made that one up, didn't you?"

"Make at least one meal a day throughout the week," he completely ignored her question. "If you don't know if you're allowed to do something, ask me. If I'm not around, you can ask Itachi. If neither of us are available…. That shouldn't happen, so it's fine."

Feeling less in danger because he obviously wouldn't force himself on her, Sakura stood, reaching for the bottle while overwhelmed. Sasuke handed it over, smirking when she tossed back a huge mouthful with a wince.

Being sincere for a moment, the woman's eyes watered up, and she asked, embarrassed to admit her fear, "It's…dangerous for me to work for you, isn't it?"

He glared, but it faltered after a moment, and he nodded, "If you don't want it, then you can leave, but once you sign that contract, there's no backing out. I said I'd have your back, and I meant it if that helps."

For the next two hours, Sasuke showed her photos of people and made her memorize their names while giving her a little bit of knowledge that may be needed for each. Before long, it was dark outside, and the Haruno woman was exhausted after the emotional rollercoaster she'd been on today. The fact that they'd passed the whiskey back and forth meant they were both a little drunk, too, which didn't help.

"You weren't fuckin' kidding, were you? You're fallin' asleep sitting up!"

"You're more casual when you're drunk, did you know? You're not as serious."

The man smirked at the red-faced girl while leading her to the room right next door, "This is technically Zetsu's room, but he's never slept here, so you can use it."

Sakura shook her head, "I don't want to sleep in some random guy's room!"

He flashed her a grin, "You can sleep with me, then."

Nervous and annoyed, she snatched her duffle bag from his hand and stepped inside, frowning when he snickered, "You're too easy to fuck with, Babe."

"Don't call me that," she dropped her bags near the bed and looked around, "Can I shower?" After waiting for her to grab a change of clothes, Sasuke took her to the bathroom at the end of the hall, thankfully leaving her alone for the night when she shut the door in his face.

As the shower warmed, Sakura removed her clothes, frowning at her reflection. There were many scars, most from her ex-boyfriend losing his temper. 'But the worst one is….' She turned, pulling her long hair over her shoulder to see a collection of freshly healed cuts between the shoulder blades and the small of the waist.

~Flashback~

"What did you just say?"

Sakura was visibly trembling in fear but clenched her fists and stood her ground, "I-I said I'm breaking up with you. I want you to leave. ….Now."

The handsome man was frozen for a moment before laughing, tilting his head to the side, "What a weird joke, Saku."

"I'm not joking! Please get out!"

The warm act the man was putting on disappeared, and he quickly closed the distance between them, roughly gripping a handful of the woman's hair, "Why do you keep making me do this? You promised to be the perfect girlfriend, remember?"

She tried and failed to pry his fingers away from her hair, crying, "That was years ago, and I wouldn't have if I'd known you'd treat me this way!"

He shoved her to the ground, "Who is he?"

Sakura scrambled away, a hand to the aching part of her head where he'd pulled her hair, "Wh-What?"

"I said, who is he? The guy you're cheating on me with. Tell me his name so I can fucking kill him."

"You're insane! I'm dumping you because you're abusive, not because there's someone else." Stumbling to her feet, Sakura glared, "If you don't leave, I will. It doesn't matter what you do to me. I'm not going to change my mind."

'I've suffered enough. It's been four years.'

Suddenly, the front of her shirt was grabbed, and he was in her face, hissing, "You want to leave? Then leave. No matter where you go, I'll find you."

Then she was thrown straight through the large window behind her, landing in a pile of broken glass on the lawn with wide, stunned eyes.

~End Flashback~

With a terrified shiver, Sakura climbed into the shower, 'That's right. Even if he's dangerous, Sasuke's willing to sign a contract saying he'll protect me from that type of thing. If that man does find me, Sasuke will be there, right?'

It doesn't matter to Sakura if she has to take care of a house full of men full-time while also going to school. She didn't even care if their line of work was scary, as she theorized because her safety from her past was the only thing that mattered.

'I'll do anything if it means he won't lay another finger on me.'

So, she officially met a few of Sasuke's housemates and colleagues the following day.

A thin, serious, red-haired man named Nagato worked as an attorney and reviewed the employment contract with her, Sasuke and his boss also present. Yahiko was the scariest person Sakura had met in a long time. He was unbelievably stoic, with dozens of piercings and a fierce glare that didn't leave her the entire time they were in that office. After signing the papers and leaving the room, it was like she could breathe again.

'At least it's an annual contract, so if this doesn't work out, I'm only stuck for one year.'

Afterward, she realized a few men there, including Sasuke, attend the same college as her. It was a little comical, her coming face to face with Sasuke and the couple named Deidara and Sasori, only for all four of them to freeze in complete bewilderment. Sakura was the first to overcome it and quickly walked around the trio with a pale face and a sense of dread.

The thought that'd gone through her head at the time was, 'I'm not going to have a moment to myself for the next year, am I?'

[depressedhatakekakashi]

Do you think Kakashi decided to take revenge on Kakazu for the whole, killing him thing in GOS.

Not neccesarily because of the murder itself. They fight all the time. Them killing each other seemed inevitable. And due to the whole experience he got to explore life, mortality, an entire life time of love, and saw the world through fresh eyes. If anything his experience being human had a profound and positive impact on Kakashi's life as a whole.

But he hurt Gai. As a BABY. He killed his parents. And then when Kakazu himself was human, he used Kakashi's absence to get rich and screw over innocent people, whilst hoarding resources EVERYONE needed in a time of crisis.

He is getting revenge but not by killing him, but by ruining EVERY business venture of scheme Kakazu has.

Kakazu has a water related business? Kakashi makes an entire new lake/ rivers so everyone else can have water, and floods his dams. Kakazu has factories of illigal goods, oops who leaked all that info? Also the building burnt down due to a stray electric bolt. Kakazu's giant and lovely mansion? Falls over, burns down and then sinks into a swamp (Kakashi had fun with that one.). Even all of Kakazu's business partners, associates and "friends and family" all get told all the horrible things he did, does, and says about them.

Kakazu gets to live a VERY long life full of misery, with everything he covets taken away, and no one beside him when he dies.

...only for his godhood to awaken and see a NEW god ready to fight him, in the form of Miato Gai.

Whether Kakazu is humbled by this experience, is anyone's guess.

(If Kakashi is allowed he is totally destroying Kakazu's temples of worship! That is, if Sakumo didn't already do that...)

Temple destruction is forbidden and tbh, Kakashi would never. He may not understand why people worship Kakuzu, but he does believe in freedom to do stupid shit (like worship Kakuzu) so he’s not touching the temples.

But Kakuzu living to be around 100 years old, with the first 30 years of his life being prosperous and full of riches and the last 70 years of his life full of bad luck and mis fortune?

Kakashi will do that

And honestly it’s not even because Kakuzu hurt Gai, it’s more that Kakuzu tried to use Gai for his own goals and now he’s using the lack of Kakashi’s rain’s and everything else he can to get rich while screwing over other’s.

Kakashi doesn’t like that.

So maybe he nudges Nakano to create a new river nearby the village Kakuzu is in, where people can go for a swim instead of paying the exuberant prices Kakuzu bas listed for the tiny swimming pool he had made.

Maybe one day while Kakuzu is on the market trying to sell some goods that are way over priced, a flash flood hits that seems to miraculously hit ONLY his stall.

Maybe Kakashi overflows a few damns so that the water Kakuzu was hoarding now goes to everyone

In mortal life Kakuzu finds himself hating Kakashi just as much as he did as an immortal, though he won’t realize it until his mortal life comes to an end and he becomes immortal once again

And as much as Kakashi would love to kill Kakuzu again, he doesn’t, because he thinks that’s too nice after all the suffering Kakuzu has brought on people.

He wants Kakuzu to have a long life

It doesn’t change shit about who Kakuzu is inherently or what he believes in (Kakuzu will never change) and Hidan is doing his best to get in Kakashi’s way/help Kakuzu in small ways so he can keep going

But Kakuzu isn’t so much worried about Gai when he becomes a god again.

It’s Kakashi that he has learned not to pick a fight with.

Gai will punch you in the face and make you bleed

Kakashi will meticulously tear your life apart and make you suffer

I’d say Hashirama wants to stop Kakashi at some point because he hates seeing anyone suffering, but Madara’s holding him back with the biggest smile because this is the most exciting shit he has ever seen Kaakshi do and he’s not letting Hashirama ruin it for him

[daybreakrising]

"That's something, at least." Hidan shrugs, thinking of his own stay in hospital - not nearly as long as Dei, unsurprisingly, but still long enough for it to be a problem. "I got bounced to another home after that. I don't need to tell you the shit they got for 'allowing' me to get my hands on a knife." He would have felt bad for them, too, if it hadn't been a shit home in the first place.

He barely suppresses an eye-roll as soon as the blond mentions art. He doesn't quite get the fascination with it, but he does at least understand some of the appeal now that Deidara's explained his own views to him. Before meeting Dei, art was just some boring old paintings hanging in a boring old gallery somewhere. He has to admit, some of the things Dei sculpts are pretty fucking cool, though.

"For sure fucked up." He agrees, scowling as he notices what Dei spotted before him - they weren't the first to get here. "Well, looks like we get to have some fun, at least. You want the bat or the big fuckin' crowbar?"

He jerks the truck to a stop, tyres crunching gravel. With any luck, the brats inside will panic and think a cop has turned up. It's always more fun when they're already scared and running. He reaches for the bag, grabbing his blade and tucking it securely into the back of his waistband. Just in case whoever's in there isn't actually a bunch of dumb kids.

the painful-looking scar that hidan reveals on his neck makes deidara blink a couple of times in surprise, before he settles more comfortably in the seat with a shrug, flashing hidan a grin in response. "i was in the hospital for three weeks and my current foster family was pissed as hell at me--at least they were nice enough to pay for a glass eye, hm. yours looks damn painful too, but i guess that's what we get for playin' with shit we weren't supposed to".

deidara's got some other scars, too. his torso is littered with burn scars from more mishaps with combustibles, some larger than others. the largest one covers most of his upper chest, which is one he got a month after being taken in by sasori. too many styrofoam blocks here, a couple of accelerants here, and a highly flammable shirt lead to him burning the shit out of his chest and upper arms in the garage of the older man's home. he doesn't remember much of it, save for waking up in the hospital with sasori beside him looking halfway between worried tears and sheer rage, but he's got a cool scar out of it as well as a story to tell.

the blond leans his cheek against the glass of the truck window, gazing at the passing trees. "i know you said you don't care much for art, but a lot of art is born out of pain, hm. most of the world's most famous artists were severely mentally ill or disturbed in some way or another." a pause, fingers drumming on the dash again. "and sometimes pain is seen as art. that's kinda fucked up, yeah?"

they're almost there, and deidara perks up when he sees the road leading to the building. that energy seems to deflate slightly out of him when he sees another car there--most likely belonging to one of those high-school kids that like to get drunk out here. "you think they'd find somewhere else to fuck about after the cops came here last time, hm!"

[theshadowrealmitself]

Physically I’m doing hw

Emotionally I’m imagining a character stuck in a time loop trying to prevent the destruction of humanity, and with the love the have for humanity increasing with every loop, plus their power, along with the fact that they keep actively making humans’ lives better in every loop turns them into some kind of luck deity

So instead of it becoming super angsty, they just keep giving luck to humans until they break the loop and then after that they just go around passing out luck whenever they can (with a kiss) (giving “a kiss for luck” a very literal meaning)

[musicfeedsmysoul12]

So a ramble of the Izuku si Jashin AU.

Izuku’s been hearing voices rant about sacrifices to Jashin for years. And he’s got some crazy-ass luck that consistently helps him and his mom out. It's a direct like connection as in- someone sacrifices someone to Jashin and then BOOM luck. Which like gets them stuff like lottery prizes or great health care and the such.

Izuku for a while just thinks he might have a mental something, and tells his mom. She takes him in, they do a BUNCH of tests and come back to her like: Why the fuck did you think he was Quirkless?

Inko: Oh, his doctor checked his toe and there's no joint.

Specialist:... what?

Turns out that test is ten years out of date! So yay.

They learn Izuku's Quirk is he’s connected to some cult in a different dimension as their god and their sacrifices give him luck. He’s horrified by it but frankly there’s jack shit he can ACTUALLY do about it so he just kinda winces when he hears the voices and you know deals with it.

Like he can't play the lottery anymore and stuff and he's not allowed in casinos but other then that he's good. They figure out he can 'turn' it off sorta by directing the luck so Izuku likes to aim it at his mom mostly.

Because LISTEN- He hearts the various threats, prayers and MAYHEM that his cult does. Bakugou really isn't far off. It's enough Izuku goes to his mom about it.

So yeah.

They also, thanks to the insanity that is the hero world, find out Izuku is Immortal and that's just lovely. (Or well, he can't die by anything but old age they think? They dunno.)

I’m pretty sure he ends up somehow connecting to Hidan and convinces him not to kill anyone under a certain age and stuff. Also Izuku ends up somehow being transported to the Naruto world and meets Hidan, and has to prove who he is. AKATSUKI SHENANIGANS. Mostly wtf, your god is real?!

Izuku then goes back to his world. Hidan is mildly shocked Jashin is a kid but figures the world of the gods has reincarnation.

Izuku grows up knowing way to much about how to kill people thanks to this. He also may figure out how to summon Hidan but here’s a strict no killing rule and Hidan pouts but will happily fight for his god!

Izuku sets him on Endeavour. Todoroki swoons. Hidan wants to badger someone into worshiping the god of fire and ice so that his god can have an awesome god as a boyfriend.

Or bug someone into worshiping Shinsou if we go that route.

Or you know both.

Actually, like what if Deidara learns of Todoroki and latches on because super heated air getting cold causes explosions and DOES worship him. Suddenly Todoroki hears Deidara and it is scary.

Itachi secretly starts worshiping Shinsou. Or someone does and suddenly wtf.

It spreads and somehow ALL OF 1A are now gods in Naruto. How? No one knows. They blame Izuku.

Aizawa is annoyed he's the god of teaching because this Kakashi guy is annoying and really bad at it.

[yeetusdabussy]

Oh, I'm sorry! For the Shisui office workers to lovers scenario, can it be a female reader? Thank you and have a nice day! ^^

୨˚̣̣̣͙୧༚￮✧Sure!✧￮༚୨˚̣̣̣͙୧

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༚𓂂𓈒૰⸰♡⸰ᐤ𓈒♖૰⸰𓂂°☾༚ᐤᣞSecret Loversᣞᐤ༚☽°𓂂⸰૰♖𓈒ᐤ⸰♡⸰૰𓈒𓂂༚⸰ᐤᣞ

You sat at your desk desk typing away at your computer. You've had days upon days of work On your desk and you still had half a stack you needed to finish. You sighed and rubbed the back of your neck, you've been a assistant for a while now. You work under your boss, and he's quite a shithead, you're there to help him with work....not do all his work but oh well it pays well. It was late and almost close to midnight, good thing you had a day off tomorrow so you didn't worry too much. The only thing you were worried about was the weirdo at the job, he was working early too you can see him across from you writing in his notes, taking sneak glances at you. He's always been trying to get with you and its annoying, he's always popping up at random places that he HAS NO business being in. It's nerve wrecking, But besides that, you had Shisui there as well. You two been secretly dating for a while and he's been such an amazing boyfriend towards you. You've told him about the creep at y'all job but he said he just has a kid crush on you and not to worry about it. But Shisui never seen what this man does! He's said inappropriate jokes and tried to get you to drink with him on many occasions.

You heard someone clear they throat. You look up to only see the creep now standing over you. "Hey y/n!" You sighed and look back down at your computer "hi...Hidan...what do you want?" You tried not to give him too much attention, due to the fact he will take advantage of that. "I was wondering.. Maybe we can have dinner at my place? What do you say huh?" He smiles at you. "I'm sorry Hidan but I'm busy with work.." You didn't lie, you really was busy with work but you also didn't want to go with him either. "Awe, here let me hel-" "I can do it myself Hidan I'm fine." You didn't let him finish his sentence and sigh. You soon felt a pair of hands begin to massage your shoulders, "Come on y/n~ why are you playing hard to get? I know you wanna do get to know me." He leans into your ear and whispers. "Besides~ maybe I can show you a good time?" He chuckles. You were frozen in fear, your body was tensed as you gulped, looking down at the floor as your hands tremble against the keys of your keyboard. "Get your fucking hands off her." Your head quickly looked up to see Shisui gripping the man's wrist and glaring at him with pure hate. The man didn't say nothing and quickly broke free win Shisui and walked away quickly, heading out the door. Shisui watched his every move. "Sh-shisui.. I'm fine.." You tried to calm him down by standing up and hugging him. You kissed his cheek repeatedly causing him sigh "Y/N its NOT okay... I didn't take your words serious..and...you..he.." He looked at you with regret, you would sigh and nod "I forgive you Shisui.." You noticed he relaxed a bit. He hugs your waist and kisses you, you didn't hesitant to kiss back. You felt his tongue lick your bottom lip, you teasingly didn't open your mouth for him. He sighed in annoyance and grips your ass, causing you to gasp. He took advantage of that and shoves his tongue into your mouth. His tongue dances across yours, he didn't waste time Pushing everything off your desk and setting you down on it. "Sh-Shisui! What if someone walks in!" You tried to make him at least think about that. "Let them..in fact.." He lifts you up and walks over to hidans desk. Be sets you on there instead and smirks. "now, this is better don't you think huh?"

You rolled your eyes and smiled. You knew this was a bad idea but the way Shisui kissed and sucked on your neck was driving you insane. You grew needy and wanting more. You felt his hand slide up your skirt slowly, his hands gently caressing your thighs and squeezing it. His fingers rake around the waistband of your underwear, he slowly begins to pull them down, still kissing and sucking on your neck and collarbone. Once your panties were off he started to unbutton your shirt to where only your breasts were free, and to his surprise and luck! You wore his favourite bra with the clasp in the front. "Heh why you wearing this today huh?~ were you gonna come over after work or something?" He teased, causing you to playfully hit his chest. "Oh shut up you tease." You smiled as he unclasped your bra and gropes your breasts, he started to kiss down the valley of your breasts and soon take a nipple into his mouth, his teeth playfully bites it and pulls. Making you gasp and wrap your legs around his waist, you ran your fingers through his hair and grind your hips against his. "Fuck, so needy huh?" He grunts from the friction of you grinding your cunt against his bulge. He began to unbuckle his belt and Unbotton his pants. He didn't waste time pulled down his pants and running the tip up and down your slit. "We gotta make this quick~ but don't worry we will finish when we get home~ " He slowly starts to enter you, giving you that painfully delicious stretch. You scratched his scalp and mewled softly, he leans back and sits into Hidan's chair. You looked confused while you were now straddling him. "Come on baby, ride that cock and call out my name." His hands were on your hips, you would nod and begin to bounce on his cock, rolling your hips, and Rocking them. Spelling your name on his dick like you owned it, you moaned and hid your face in his shoulder. Shisui loved the way you fucked yourself on his cock, so desperate and needy for him and only him. He looked up to see no other than hidan watching with a irritated look on his face. He was pissed, Shisui just smirks and spreads your ass cheeks. You couldn't see and didn't even know you two were being watched, you were too lost in your own pleasure. Shisui was such a tease, he stuck his tongue out at hidan like some kid Before he left slamming the door. Causing you to jump and freeze in fear. "Shhh calm down, don't worry about it. You keep going it was nothing." He kisses your neck and begins to thrust into you, causing you to forget what happened and continue onto your pleasure. The sound of skin slapping against each other was heard, the smell of sex filled the air, and the moist lewd sounds that came from your dripping hole. He felt you start to clench around him every time he thrust. "Fuck, you're about to cum huh?~ cum, cum on my cock." He whispers into your ear before nipping it. Your hips sped up, you felt the knot in your stomach become tighter and tighter. You couldn't take it anymore, "AH SHISUI! ~" you yelled out, you started to cream all over his cock, squeezing his cock with your throbbing walls. "Sh-Shit y/n! Fuck gonna...ngh!" He grunts and grips your hips. He soon begin to cum inside you.

You both pant and hold each other, catching y'all breaths before finally sitting up. "Dammit Shisui.. We need to clean and I have work I need to finish!" You Sighed and he laughed, causing you to pout. "Don't worry~ I'll help you!!"

[excitedlysuffering]

How would the members of Akatsuki be with a fem s / o who is a medical ninja?

Akatsuki With A Med Nin S/O

Since there’s so many of them, I’m making them a little shorter!

Pein~

He’ll be impressed with your skills, although he won’t typically need your help. If you don’t mind he’d like to watch you work sometimes and it’s kind of nice actually. Bonding over blood and guts we love it🥰

He’s also quite relieved because most of the Akatsuki are reckless and get injured all the time. Like four times a week you have at least one of them in your office reckless. Genuinely believes everything would fall apart without you.

Konan~

She believes you’re the true Angel from the first time she watches you heal someone. You were so at ease and in your element she finds you absolutely captivating.

Definitely yells at the boys for not being careful because, yes you’re strong and can handle a lot, but they’re getting injured all the time and it’s draining you. She’ll take care of you without fail everytime you reach, or exceed, your limit.

Itachi~

It’s kind of bittersweet to him. You have such talent with medical jutsu that you could probably cure him, but he can’t let you. He can’t be at full power if he wants Sasuke to kill him. He will let you help make him comfortable though. Like if he’s feeling particularly bad or with his poor eyesight.

Will try to put a limit on what’s worthy of your skills. If it’s not serious, you shouldn’t be wasting your energy on it (mainly because the others are idiots) and he’ll try to turn lesser injuries away. You might be the only med nin, but you’re not the only one in the base who can do medical work.

Kisame~

Finds you cooler than regular ninjas, because yeah you can kick ass and all that but you can also heal injuries that are typically death sentences. What’s not to love?? Brags about you all the time it’s not even funny. (At least to Itachi who has to listen to the highlights of every surgery you’ve ever performed)

Loves to hear you talk about it! He wants to learn as much as he can because he loves how excited you are and plus he’s a swordsman there’s a lot of benefits in knowing techniques that are virtually unhealable (that’s a word now don’t @ me). Overall totally enamored by everything you do.

Kakuzu~

FINALLY. That’s his reaction. He’s tired of having to deal with the idiots and their injuries. (ahem: Hidan) (Because Sasori is only willing to help Deidara and he still throws a fit about it) will definitely assist you though if you need it and is always open to sharing and learning tips/techniques.

When you fight together you probably have competitions to see who can kill the most people with a specific type of injury. (You and Kakuzu once killed 57 people by severing one specific artery in every person)

Hidan~

He sees you as his personal nurse and thinks that he gets priority over everyone else because you love him. (“Step aside, loser, I got stabbed!” “B-but your immortal! I’m bleeding out!” “Get yourself a doctor for a girlfriend then!”) Good luck with this one🙂

He’s alsways in your office/workspace just hanging out whether he’s hurt or not. Likes to see you in your space, doing your thing. Is present at every surgery he can possibly be at because he claims you look sexy covered in blood. He’ll try not to interrupt you but he can’t help but steal one six kisses while you look like that.

Sasori~

Very fascinated by your work. He’ll want to learn from you, as well as teach you things about treating poisons. He probably tests his new poisons out on random people so he can see if it’s easy for you to treat or not, so he can make them more dangerous. You also help him turn live victims into his puppets! So romantic what a keeper🥰

He’ll let you deal with Deidara’s injuries while he watches over your technique, but he’ll grumble if you treat the others especially Hidan. Thinks it’s a waste of your energy and that you’re above such things. He likes it when you don’t use your chakra so he can work with you on regular medical skills and he might even use chakra strings to guide you.

Deidara~

Is so curious about your work like when you’re healing someone it’s never quiet for more than a minute because he has so. Many. Questions. It’s kind of endearing though, because besides art, he’s not this fascinated by anything else. He likes it when you heal him because unlike Sasori, you’re careful to make it as painless as possible.

Tries to stop you from healing Itachi as much as possible. Like if he sees him with an injury he’ll whisk you away on a date or something because he’s that petty. You probably healed his arms and he does about everything he can for you because he feels so indebted to you like he’s so in love with you it’s not even funny🥰

[the-roadkill-cafe]

Would you rather mysteriously isekai into the body of Deidara or Kakuzu? Why/why not? Please show your working.

I can always rely on you to send me the difficult asks, hahaha.

Mmmmmmmmmm. Well, it depends on a few things. What point in the timeline do I isekai in? Like, at the beginning of their respective lives? In contemporary Naruto? And when I show up, do I kick them out? Or do I have to share brain space with them?

If its at the beginning of their life, Kakuzu? Maybe. He doesn't have the extra hearts and body stitches early on. I can just fuck off out of Waterfall and never be a ninja. If, by some stroke of bad luck, I am a ninja, there's no reason to assume I'll be good enough that Waterfall will think I can assassinate fucking Senju Hashirama. If that doesn't happen, then I won't be imprisoned and tortured.

On the other hand, if I end up in contemporary!Kakuzu's body, that means I have to deal with....all of that. I don't fancy being made of stitches and having extra organs stuck on my back. How does he even sleep?

The thing with Deidara is that even though he presumably was born with the extra mouths in his hands, he otherwise doesn't seem to have a lot of extra stuff going on with him physically. Like, I'd prefer to avoid the extra mouths, but if its a choice of mouths in my hands or being Frankenstein's monster, a few more minutes brushing extra teeth every day doesn't seem so bad.

Now, when it comes to sharing brain space...I think I'm still gonna pick Kakuzu? At least I would more than likely get excellent financial advice, which, score. With Deidara it would just be endless screaming about art and explosions and beauty and I would not get one second of rest.

But there's also the fact that being isekai'ed into their bodies means dealing with their partners. So like. Do I want to put up with Hidan? Or Sasori? Mmmmmmmm. At least Sasori seems...mildly more reasonable than Hidan? Or at least not running around screaming like an unhinged lunatic. I imagine that Kakuzu and Hidan regularly try to kill each other for sport and that sounds exhausting. I'll happily agree with Sasori's philosophy on art (and then try to ignore all of the puppets and source my food very, very carefully) if it means I can get some peace and quiet.

So at first I would tentatively say Kakuzu, definitely him if I can end up in his body at the beginning of his life. Kakuzu loses out to Deidara though if this takes place in Shippuuden, because I am not dealing with Kakuzu's body mods or Hidan.

[ladykissingfish]

*in the middle of wedding preparations*

Obito: *going into his and Deidara’s bedroom* Hey, Dei? For our reception, what do you want our fish option to be: salmon, or —

Obito: *stops mid-sentence; Deidara is sitting on their bed in a full wedding dress*

Obito: *quickly turns around* Dei! You have to warn me about stuff like that! It’s bad luck for a groom to see his to-be spouse in their wedding dress before the actual wedding!

Deidara, softly: That’s ok, Obi, hm. I won’t be wearing this. I just wanted to try it on one last time before I return it, hm.

Obito: *turns back around, a confused expression on his face* Return it?

Deidara: Yeah.

Obito: But … why? You spent weeks picking out the perfect one, and you were so excited …

Deidara: Well, I was wrong, hm. And stupid. I should have just picked out a suit like I’m supposed to.

Obito: *hesitates, then sits down next to him, taking his hand*

Obito: If you want to wear a suit, that’s fine. But I know you; you’ve been talking about your dream wedding dress almost since our first date. Did … did something happen?

Deidara: *nods*

Obito: Do you want to tell me what it was?

Deidara, hesitantly: It, well … Konan and I were in the bathroom trying out different looks for my hair, and Hidan walked by and … and he said that I — I —

Obito: *squeezes Deidara’s hand* It’s okay; I can guess. Baby … I think you’re absolutely stunning. Whether you’re in a dress or a suit, or even in your pajamas, you’re the most beautiful creature in this entire world to me. Fuck what Hidan says. This is OUR wedding, and you WILL be happy. Even if I have to kill that asshole for it to happen. Okay?

Deidara: *throws his arms around Obito in a hug* Thank you, hm.

Obito: Of course. Now, change out of that and hang it up, please; I wouldn’t want it to get dirty before our ceremony.

Deidara: Yes, sir. But … what about Hidan? He’s still gonna make fun of me, hm.

Obito: You know what? I’ll have a talk with him, and I’m sure he’ll see the error of his ways. Now hurry and change; I’m taking you to dinner.

Deidara: *kisses Obito then hurries into bathroom*

Obito: *stands up and cracks his knuckles* Oh, Hidan …

*at their wedding*

Hidan: Oi, old bastard, hold me up, I can’t see shit!

Kakuzu: *sighs and hold up Hidan’s freshly severed head* I truly hate you sometimes.

[thethousandyearwitch]

Eye for an Eye

A "Medical Experimentation"/Black Market Surgery KakuHida fic, because it came to me in a dream.

"Hidan wakes up after a wild night, only to find himself in an uncomfortable and yet enticing predicament featuring a good looking stranger and the miracle of Jashin. And maybe both parties can get something out of this situation..."

Rating: Explicit due to some gruesome talk

Ship: KakuHida

Words: 1702

AO3 Link

Nauseating Darkness. That was the first thing Hidan perceived when he woke up. The feeling of a room, that you’re not even seeing, spinning.

He should have known that this would happen, after the hot bartender kept pouring drinks on the house before he could even finish them. It wasn’t his intention to get drunk off his ass, but free alcohol and shallow compliments from some goth chick can change a night quite quickly.

Reflexively, the man tried to turn to his side to soothe his nausea, only to feel a firm resistance on his wrists. The restrictive movement called his attention toward how cold he felt overall, and how fucking uncomfortable whatever he was laying on was. At the same time, he could hear some movement close to him come to a halt.

“Hey, hey, I’m not in the mood for some BDSM games, I think I’m gonna hurl.” He slurred and tested the restrains again. A gurgle crept up from his abdomen, and the suffocating darkness still wasn’t giving way to any light.

“What the fuck.” A deep voice echoed, definitely not from the cute bartender that Hidan had hoped he took home with him. It wasn’t a question, more of a baffled statement. The young man wasn’t a stranger to taking men home with him, but this was definitely not planned, and the unclear discomfort from his abdomen that stretched all the way to his sternum was enough of a boner-killer that he just wanted to get a shower and a prairie oyster.

“Dude, just, uncuff me, get this fucking blindfold off, and I promise I’ll write you a 3page essay apology for the missed sex or whatever.”

“What- No, stop. Listen closely to me.” The deeper voice came steadily closer, and Hidan was sure he could feel the warmth of another body inching closer to his. “I am not about to fuck your sorry ass. You had some real bad luck, and drew the interest of one of my clients, who paid me to remove your eyes and a couple of organs.”

The spinning inside of his head only got worse, and Hidan let out a confused groan. “The fuck is that supposed to mean?”

“There’s no blindfold, dumbass, your eyes are already sitting on my desk ready for pick-up. I don’t even know how or why you are alive; you’re probably banged up on some drug cocktail that cancelled mine out. But you’re going to bleed out any second. No hard feelings.”

Oh. He’s been tricked. Of course, free drinks are never truly free, but he’s never paid with organs before. First time for everything.

The pressure on his body became clearer to him now. He could feel the burning edges of an incision, reaching roughly from 1cm below his bellybutton up to the tip of his sternum, between the 6th and 7thrib. The foreign body that squirmed itself under his ribcage, wrapped itself with learned precision around his heart, that could only be a human hand.

“Can you not afford a bone saw like any other unlicensed doctor?” Hidan laughed and could feel the pressure on his lungs. Every muscle in his body slowly started to follow his command again, warming back up with steady relaxation and contraction.

“I don’t need to justify my expenses to a dead man talking. I don’t care about leaving a neatly chopped up body, and neither does my guy who’ll get rid of you after the job.” Something cold and sharp pressed against Hidans Aorta, a scalpel, he was sure. “Any last words?”

The pain from the incision gave way to a booming headache, itching and scratching the inside of his skull. Slowly, white spots came into his visions, like a night sky that revealed itself one star at a time. “Yeah, what’s your name, asshole?”

“…Kakuzu. Goodby-“Before he could finish his parting words, Hidan snapped his arms free of the leather straps that held him down, and he threw himself at the other man’s throat, toppling both of them to the ground. His eyes had fully reconstructed themselves, and away from under the surgery lighting, he could slowly take in his surroundings in dimmer light.

“This place is a fucking shithole.” The floor was dirty, the walls and even the ceiling were covered in dark stains, an oakwood desk near the wall was held together with layers of yellow-ed glue, next to it a beat-up office chair with scotch-tape adorned seating. His eyes wandered to the man he kept pinned below him, covered in Hidans spilled out lower intestine. “You’re not too bad though, damn.”

His hands were wrapped around the throat of a well-build man, probably a couple years older than him, with rich, sepia brown skin, black hair tied in a knot. He wore a surgical mask, but it couldn’t fully cover the ends of what was clearly a not yet fully healed Glasgow-smile. But what was most striking about Kakuzu were his eyes; His sclera was a dull red, and his Iris were a bright emerald green. “Why would anyone want my eyes when you’ve got the grand prize resting in your skull?”

Under Hidans firm grip, he could feel the strength Kakuzu had to use just to speak up. “What the fuck are you?”

“I’m my gods most favorite little bastard! Now, how about a little trade, ‘kuzu?” He shifted his weight off of the other man’s windpipe, just enough to let him breathe under a strain.

“What do you want?”

“My guts, ideally back where they belong. And in return- “He grabbed Kakazu’s hand, which until now had been busy digging his fingernails into the immortal’s arm, and guided it to Hidans restored eyes. “-I’m sure your client would go bonkers over two sets of eyes.”

There was a pointed silence between the two, Hidan grinning as his internal organs tried to work against the pull of gravity, tissue already trying to reconnect itself with a painful burning sensation. For a moment he thought that the incision would close over his exposed organs before he’d get a response.

“Get on the table. I’m not going to waste anymore anaesthetics on you though, or else I won’t turn enough of a profit.”

Hidan climbed back on the operation table, arms rested behind his head, legs crossed leisurely. “Money greed is a sin, y’know?”

“That’s fine by me, I’ll buy myself a VIP seat when I get there.” Kakuzu readied a medical sewing kit, and unceremoniously crammed Hidans intestines back into his abdominal cave, to which he squirmed in response, but snickered as well.

“It’s not too late to repent! Jashin takes every poor soul that knocks on his door with the correct offerings, and I have a feeling you’ve got what it takes. And I’m living, breathing proof of his miracles. Or else how will you explain all of…this?” He waved his hand around in the general direction of his eyes and his open wound, and Kakuzu swatted his hand away.

“I don’t know, I don’t care. Maybe you’re the result of a radioactive freakshow. Maybe I’m finally succumbing to asbestos poisoning. Now hold still or I will have to tie you back down again.”

“Kinky! Say, after you’re done stealing my eyes again, wanna grab some drinks?”

“Drinks is how you got into this situation in the first place.”

“I’m not regretting it~”

This earned him an eye roll, though more importantly, he realized Kakuzu didn’t say ‘No’ to his proposition. The surgeon finished the final stitches and gave his work a satisfied nod. He placed a glass jar, filled with some strange liquid, on a smaller table next to the operation table, and leaned in closer to Hidans head. “Now for the money-makers.”

“Wait-wait-wait, how are you gonna take ‘em out? You’re not just gonna snatch them out with your fingers, right?” Hidan fidgeted, though his manic grin didn’t falter. His chest was rising and falling heavily with rapid breathing, pulling at the fresh stitches.

“You really are an idiot. The eyes are too delicate and firm to be taken out like that. I’ll be using a tool that looks like a spoon, but has the sharpness of a scalpel, to basically scoop them out. Getting scared?”

“Are you kidding? I’m really getting excited now…”

Kakuzu huffed and placed one hand on the right side of Hidans face, using his thumb to pull the skin under his eye down. “No squirming, or I’ll take your teeth as collateral.”

“Don’t entice me, ‘kuzu.”

The sharp, cold tool slid smoothly between eyelids and eyeball, and without much resistance it curved into the eye socket and severed the optical nerves. In just a second, Hidans vision on his right side went black, and his heart beat violently against his chest. The pain was overpowering, searing, and exciting.

The surgeon dropped the disconnected eyeball into the formaldehyde jar, and switched hands to get a better grip on the left side of Hidans face. “Halfway done. Need a break?”

“Stop being a fucking tease…” Hidan breathed out, face flushed with excitement, fingernails helplessly scratching at the side of the solid table.

And without any further warning, the tool slid behind the second eyeball, severed nerves, and discarded it into the jar.

Back to nauseating darkness. All of Hidans other senses felt enhanced, he could smell the preserving chemical mixed with his fresh blood, he could hear the buzzing of the lamp above him, he licked his lips and tasted only his sweat, and most of all, he could feel the lingering warmth of Kakuzus hand still on his face, his thumb brushing over Hidans cheekbone.

“You’re a walking organ bank.” The younger man didn’t reply, too busy with catching his breath. “I could save money on anaesthetics and trying to lure idiots to operate on. I’d have any organ anyone could want – on demand.”

“I’m not gonna let you cut me open every day for free, yknow?”

And suddenly Hidan could feel hot breath ghosting over his ear, so close that cold shivers ran down his spine.

“Maybe I do have some free time for a couple drinks, and a little business talk.”

[kakuzuisabigidiotwholoveshidan]

Chaper 4 is up! Wars are fought on multiple fronts as “Ares” presses forward -- but not every conflict is necessarily a bad thing.

A first look is under the cut, the rest on AO3!

“That client of yours – he’s interesting,” sounded a muffled voice through the speaker of Kakuzu’s phone. The voice belonged to Zetsu, the private investigator Kakuzu hired to check on possible clients and investors before involving them in some of his more sensitive business deals. He did not tend to disappoint.

“He’s not a client. He’s a parasite,” Kakuzu growled.

“Anyway, he’s really something. I had to do a lot of digging and still didn’t find all the answers I wanted. A lot of documents sealed shut, a lot of people not remembering things, a lot of evidence missing.”

Kakuzu suppressed a sigh and tilted his head back to watch the dots of light speckled across the night sky like freckles across skin.

“But you found something? Or did you just call me to complain?”

“Short on patience, aren’t we? Yes, I did. That guy practically lives in the police station. He breaks laws like world records and has been charged with just about every crime you can be possibly charged with. Theft, assault, battery, vandalism, disorderly conduct, public indecency, drug possession, breaking and entering, and – get this – heavy use of profanity. I’ve never seen someone get arrested for that before. It’s actually kind of impressive.”

“So he’s a convicted felon?” Kakuzu’s tone turned hopeful. Faced with the evidence of Hidan’s multitude of crimes, his fiancé would have no other choice than to kick that mutt to the curb where he belonged.

“You’d think that, especially considering his background. Immigrant, raised by a single mother, moved a lot and never to the nice parts of town. But no. The charges were always dropped or he was acquitted.”

The phone in Kakuzu’s hand cracked suspiciously, not built for the amount of pressure it was currently under. He had to remind himself to take a deep breath or pay for a new cell phone.

“You just read me a sheer endless list of crimes. How is that even possible?”

“A weird mixture of victims withdrawing the charges, witnesses retracting their statements, really expensive lawyers and what seems to be just dumb luck. It’s like he’s protected by some kind of deity.”

“Where did he get the lawyer money?” he demanded, recalling Hidan’s unusual knowledge of his business deals.

“No idea. Lots of offshore accounts. Tracing them back to an actual person is like trying to catch a cloud.”

“Dig deeper then. Hunt him down. I want that squatter out of my house.”

“Will do, boss,” Zetsu replied, and with a distant click the line went dead.

[553butterfly553]

Second Chance (An Itachi Uchiha Love Story) 10

Reconciliation and Introductions

It took a week for Sasuke and Sakura to return to the Mist with Serenity. I was practically bouncing off the walls as I waited at the mansion with Itachi and Kisame. The blue man and I haven't gotten along ever since that conversation, however, we still hang out. He just doesn't talk to me or even look at me. So, I don't talk to him. It makes a very awkward situation for Itachi and I feel bad for him, however, he had gladly put himself in the middle to keep the peace. “Adryn?” It was Sasuke's voice calling out to me. Instantly, I was up from the couch and out of the living room door. Itachi and Kisame followed closely by. I made my way to the entrance to see Sasuke, Sakura and my beautiful daughter standing there. “Serenity!” I cried out happily as I immediately made my way to her. “Mama!” She yelled out as she threw herself into my open arms. I fell to my knees to hug her tightly as I began to tear up. “It's been so long since I've last seen you, I can't believe you've gotten so big now!” It'd been a year since the last time I'd seen her. “I'm so happy to see you again! This visit will last a while, right?” She looked at me with big sad eyes and all I could do was smile at her. “Serenity, you're here to stay now. I'm going to raise you from now on.” “Really, Mama?!” She looked so happy and even began to cry. I couldn't help it and began to cry as well. “I love you Serenity. So very much.” “I love you too, Mama!” Serenity then noticed the two men who stood behind me. “Who are they?” I stood up and motioned to Itachi. “This is Sasuke's older brother, Itachi.” “No, he's now Papa.” “What?!” I nearly yelled out at the same time that multiple other people spoke the same thing. Itachi looked shook as Serenity just walked over to him. “Mama loves you, so you're Papa.” Serenity then looked to Kisame and smiled up at him. “You're Uncle Blue!” “Serenity, you just met them, you can't just...” I trailed off not really knowing what to say, however, Itachi and Kisame both smiled at my daughter. “It's alright, I'll be Uncle Blue. Itachi, you're now a father.” Kisame spoke up with a big smile on his face. He patted Serenity's head and she beamed up at him brightly. She then looked to “Papa” and gave him a questioning look. “I'll be Papa.” Itachi simply stated with a soft smile on his face. Serenity then lifted her arms to him, wanting to be picked up. So, Itachi picked her up and she snuggled into his arms happily. “I finally have a family!” Hearing those words not only made me happy but also shattered my heart. She'd never had a true family before since Orochimaru never treated her like a granddaughter. “Yes, you do.” Itachi couldn't help but show sadness in his eyes, but it was quickly replaced by happiness. I looked to Kisame only to see him turning away from the situation. “Itachi, watch Serenity, I need to talk to Ki.” With that, I quickly followed the blue man. “Ki, wait!” I chased him until we reached his room. Once there, he opened the door, pulled me in and locked the door behind him. “Ki?” “What if I told you that I want you to be mine? Would you give up Itachi to make me happy?” Kisame questioned as he slammed me against the door. I gasped out, a bit worried but it faded into sadness. “I would.” “You'd sacrifice your own happiness, for me?” I nodded my head. “Then that's enough for me. After seeing you risk your life for him, it made it real to me that I'd lost you to Itachi.” “Ki...” “I know I never truly had you but seeing how much you love him...” Kisame trailed off into silence. He then let me go and realized that I'd begun to cry. “I'm so sorry, maybe in a different world where Itachi didn't exist I could have been yours but I can't just give up on him.” I sobbed out as I covered my face with my hands. “I didn't mean to make you cry, Adryn.” Kisame pulled my hands down and leaned over to kiss me on the cheek. “Don't cry, I don't know how to deal with a woman crying.” His comment made me laugh as the tears began to dry. He wiped them away until nothing was left. “I'll always be right beside you, even if it's just as a very best friend.” “That's all I'll ask of you.” Kisame pulled me into his arms and we stood there for a moment, just hugging each other. He then pulled away and spoke again. “You should get back to Itachi and Serenity.” “I think I need to find Hidan and Kakuzu first. I can't remember why anymore, but I know we were fighting.” “Alright, good luck.” With that, I left Kisame's room and headed out to find Hidan first. He was in his room all alone when I found him and knocked on his door. “Ugh, you, bitch.” He grumbled as soon as he saw who knocked on his door. I stopped him from closing the door and began to speak. “I'm sorry, Hidan. I upset you and I shouldn't have. I kept poking at you when I knew it would only hurt you in the end.” “You are a bitch, you know that, but you weren't totally wrong.” Did Hidan just admit that he has a thing for Kakuzu? “No! It's not what you fucking think. Just you being with him bothered the fuck out of me. Every time you showed up, we'd go to fucking bothersome places. Then after the long-ass day of work, I'd have to hear you two fucking and it's just disgusting.” “That was a lot of fuck Hidan,” I commented, making him sigh out loud. “I understand why you dislike me and I'm sorry.” “Well, I don't hate you nearly as much as I fucking did before, so I guess it's alright. Just don't fuck around me anymore.” “I promise, no fucking around you ever again.” Hidan nodded his head and I left the area to go find Kakuzu. He'd be a little harder to handle. Even though I had no idea why he was angry with me either. I completely forgot about it. I just knew that I needed to make it up to him. Eventually, I found Kakuzu in the living room with Sasori and Deidara. As soon as I entered the room, the redhead and the blond left, leaving me all alone with the man I used to sleep with. “Go away.” Kakuzu instantly said when he saw me. I smiled at him and sat next to him on the couch he was sitting on. “Adryn.” “Kuzu, why are you mad at me?” “You keep pissing of Hidan and I have to deal with him.” “I just made up with Hidan, so we no longer have any reason to fight.” “Oh really?” “Yeah, so Kuzu, love me again.” I leaned over onto him, just to be shoved away so hard I hit the floor. “Ouch,” I grumbled instantly as I stood back up. “I never loved a whore like you.” “That's rude.” I nearly didn't believe him but I had to just go with what he said to not piss him off. “But will you admit to loving Hidan? He practically admitted he loves you.” To that, I got glared at. “I'll stop avoiding you, just leave me alone now.” He didn't admit it but he didn't deny it either. I'll take that as a win. “Fine.” I then turned around and left the room altogether. I then went to go and find Itachi and Serenity. They were still in the entrance hall with Sasuke and Sakura. “What took you so long?” Sakura questioned once she saw me. It was almost like she was accusing me of something. “I had to make up with Hidan and Kuzu as well as Ki. So it took a little longer than expected.” Sakura clearly wanted to say something about that, but she was stopped by a little voice speaking up first. “Mama, I'm tired.” Serenity wigged her way out of Itachi's arms and came walking over to me. “Alright, let's go home and take a nap then.” It was about midday anyway so it was the perfect time for a nap. At my little house, I prepared a room just for her so she'd feel like it was home. “I'll see you later, Papa.” Serenity waved to Itachi and began to walk out the front door. “Hey, you don't know where you're going!” I called out and hurried after her. I waved goodbye to everyone in the entrance and then I grabbed Serenity's hand and began to guide her to where my home was. We walked slowly, enjoying the forest as we walked. There were different birds and different plants than what she was used to, so it was all fascinating for her. Once we got to my home, I let her run in there and check things out. “Mama, where's my room?” I then guided Serenity to the bedroom right next to mine. It was full of toys and had a big bed in one of the corners. “Take a nap now, because I'll have to introduce you to a lot of people afterward, alright?” “Yes, Mama.” Serenity then climbed into her bed and got under the covers. She was out nearly immediately. I couldn't help but just stand there and watch her sleep for a few minutes. I felt whole now that she was here. However, I also felt tired, so I went to my own room, leaving the door open in case she woke up before me, and then climbed into my bed. I also was asleep nearly immediately. ~ “Mama... Mama! Wake up!” I was shaken awake little arms. I looked around, confused before remembering that my daughter was now with me. “How late is it?” I questioned as I looked to Serenity and then out of the window. It was still light outside. “We slept for a few hours. Uncle Sasuke is here.” “Oh. Why? He probably didn't tell you, did he?” I shook my head, trying to wake up fully. Once I was awake, I climbed out of bed and went into the living room where Sasuke was, just sitting on my couch. “What's up?” Serenity was right next to me and nearly threw herself onto Sasuke's lap. She smiled up at him happily as he gave her a look in return. It wasn't a harsh look, just a happy look. I don't think Sasuke is capable of smiling any longer. “The Kage want to see you and Serenity right now,” Sasuke responded after a moment of making sure that Serenity wasn't going to fall off of him. “Alright, let's go Serenity, you can play with Uncle Sasuke later.” Serenity nodded her head and hopped off of Sasuke's lap. I held out my hand and my child took it, so we left my house, leaving Sasuke in there. He chose to not follow us, but

it was fine, as he was allowed in my house anyway. I trusted him wholeheartedly. So, Serenity and I made our way to the Kage's place. Once in there, we headed to their chamber. “Oh, hello Adryn, and who's this next to you?” Lady Mizukage's eyes went right for Serenity. My daughter instantly hid behind me. “This is Serenity, my daughter.” I stepped to the side and stood behind Serenity so she couldn't hide any further. She just looked around the room and hesitantly smiled at everyone. “Hello.” Serenity finally spoke up as she looked over to Lady Mizukage. Lady Mizukage responded with a hello of her own. Serenity then looked around the room and hesitantly said hello to everyone else, who in turn said hello to her. “Was there anything that you all needed or did you just want to meet Serenity?” I finally questioned after they all said their hellos. “We just wanted to meet her is all.” Lady Mizukage responded simply. I nodded my head and took Serenity's hand. “Well then, we will be at the mansion.” “You're taking her to be around a bunch of criminals?” Lord Tsuchikage questioned, sounding a bit in disbelief. “I trust that they wouldn't hurt an innocent child,” I responded immediately. “If they even tried, I'd deal with them.” With that, Serenity and I made our way out of there. We headed to the mansion and went to find Itachi. We eventually found him in the living room with Kisame and Sasori. “Papa!” Serenity called out as she let go of my hand and ran over to Itachi. Sasori just looked at the situation with confusion. “'Papa'?” Sasori instantly questioned. “She immediately took to Itachi. So now he's her 'Papa'.” Kisame explained simply as he watched Serenity climb onto Itachi's lap. Itachi helped her out a bit but soon she was situated on him. Once she was properly on Itachi, she looked over to Sasori. “Hello, Uncle Red.” Serenity spoke as she looked directly at the now confused redhead. “Excuse me?” Sasori seemed to be a bit annoyed by my daughter's naming of him, but after a moment he just sighed to himself. “Hello, child.” “My name is Serenity!” Sasori didn't give Serenity any response. He just got up from his seat and left the room. “He's not nice.” “He'll warm up to you, don't worry kid,” Kisame responded patting the girl's head softly. “Uncle Blue, I'm not a kid!” “That's just what a kid would say.” Serenity then glared at the blue man. Kisame, however, just burst into laughter making Serenity pout. “So, how was your nap?” Itachi asked, directing the child's attention away from her pouting. “Mama slept more than I did.” Serenity responded simply with a smile on her face. “So, you took a nap as well?” Itachi turned his attention onto me next. “I did. However, Serenity woke me up when Sasuke arrived at the house.” I responded simply. “Not at first. First Uncle Sasuke and I talked about how I was liking my new room and my new father.” “I see.” I just smiled at my daughter. “And? What did you tell him? Do you like your new room and new father?” “I love my new room! It's so much brighter and has more toys than my old room with Orochimaru!” Serenity was seemingly thrilled about her new room. “And about my Papa, I love him as well!” “Thank you, Serenity, that's sweet of you.” Itachi gave her a small smile, but she just frowned at him. “What's wrong?��� Itachi was clearly worried that he'd just done something wrong. “You didn't say it back. You don't love me?” “Serenity, he just met you, love takes a while to grow,” I explained to the young girl before she began to cry. She just looked at me, thought it over and nodded her head. “How long did it take you for you to love Papa?” “Oh... Um...” I didn't want to say the truth. I'd instantly fell in love with him as soon as I first met him. That'd be bad to admit at that moment, so I just replied something else. “Let's go meet the other residents of the mansion, alright?” Perfect, I'd distracted her, but not the two adults in the room. “Wait, I want to know too,” Kisame spoke up as I pulled Serenity off of Itachi's lap. I ignored him and carried my child out of the room. As soon as we were far enough away, I set her down and we walked, holding hands, to find the next Akatsuki member. The first room we came across was Kakuzu's. So, I knocked on his door, fully knowing that Hidan was in there as well. “What do you-” Kakuzu paused in his grumbling as he looked down at my side. “What is that?” “'That' is my child, Serenity. I want everyone to meet her since she'll be living with me and seeing everyone every day now.” I simply responded as I slightly glared at Kakuzu. “She doesn't fucking look anything like you, bitch! Are you sure she'd your fucking child?!” That was Hidan's response as he approached the door behind Kakuzu. “I went through 18 hours of labor to have her, so yeah, I'm fucking sure she's mine!” I snapped back instantly causing Hidan to just glare down at my child. “Uncle Kuzu and Uncle Silver!” Serenity didn't seem to understand the annoyance the two men had towards her, or maybe she didn't care at all about it. “The fuck?! 'Uncle Silver'?” “Your hair is silver, therefore-” “I got it, bitch!” Hidan snapped, cutting me off. “Hidan, stop swearing around the child.” “I'll fucking say whatever the fuck I fucking feel like saying!” Hidan threw a few more fucks in there than usual, just to make his point I'd assume. I just sighed and tugged Serenity away from the now arguing men. The next room we came across was Deidara's, so I knocked on his door. He opened it up and seemed to notice Serenity right away. “Is that your kid, hm?” Deidara immediately questioned. I just nodded my head. “My name is Serenity.” “Hello, Serenity, hm.” My little girl then noticed his hands and her face lit up. “You have mouths on your hands! That's so cool, Uncle Yellow!” “'Uncle who now, hm?” “She bases names off of hair color.” I simply explain to the confused male. He just nodded his head, seemingly accepting that. “Why do you have mouths on your hands?” Serenity questioned, bringing the conversation back to her. “That's a secret, hm.” She didn't like that, so she began to pout. “Come on now, Serenity, we have a few others to say hello to.” I pulled her along with me as I began to walk away. We headed towards the furthest rooms from the living room now. Those rooms were Konan's, Nagato's and Obito's. They seemed to be all in one place, so I headed towards what I think is Nagato's room. Once there, I knocked and smiled at Konan when she answered it. “Hello, Adryn, and who is this that you have with you?” Konan questioned when she looked down to see Serenity. “My name is Serenity. Mama is my mama.” “I see. Well, I'm Konan, this is Nagato and Obito.” “Aunt Blue and Uncle Black.” Serenity corrected the woman. She then paused and made a face. “What should I call him, there's already an Uncle Red.” Serenity looked up at me for help. I just shrugged my shoulders. I didn't know what to call him. “How about Uncle White? When I run out of chakra, my hair still turns white.” Nagato questioned, making Serenity smile at him. She nodded her head. “So, that's everyone. Let's go back to Itachi and Kisame now.” I spoke to Serenity as I grabbed her hand once again. She nodded her head again and followed after me as I began to walk away. “So what do you think about the residents here?” “I like them. Uncle Red is a bit mean though, and Uncle Silver swears too much. Uncle Kuzu doesn't like, I think.” “Why doesn't he get a color for a name?” “He's special to you, or at least was, right Mama?” I was taken aback by that comment. I just sighed and nodded my head. “I could sense unresolved tension from him towards you, but I don't know what it means.” “I'm sure it'll be fine,” I replied as we continued to walk around the mansion. Eventually, we made out way back towards the living room, but Serenity's stomach began to growl. So we headed into the kitchen instead. There was some cereal there that she could eat and I became hungry as well, so we ended up eating some together. While we were eating Kisame and Itachi entered the kitchen, wondering what we were doing. “We were hungry.” Serenity simply explained to the two men when they questioned what we were doing. “So, did you meet everyone?” Itachi asked the young girl. She nodded her head happily. “Yup, and named everyone.” Serenity then went through all the names of the Akatsuki members. “Why does Kakuzu get a non-color?” Kisame asked once Serenity was done speaking. She just giggled though and shook her head. “Hey, Mama, why didn't you answer my question from a while ago?” Serenity seemed to just think of that. I sighed and shook my head. “Is it embarrassing? Did you fall in love with Papa at first sight?” Serenity seemed happy to think that and my red face seemed to answer her question. “Oh really? Instantly, huh?” Kisame's voice sounded unsure. “Don't say it like that. It wasn't completely at first sight...” I was lying and it was obvious. “For a ninja, you're a terrible liar,” Kisame stated simply causing my face to get even redder. “Papa?” Serenity questioned, losing interest in mine and Kisame's conversation. “What is it Serenity?” Itachi responded as he looked over to the young girl. “Do you love Mama?” Itachi seemed to think about her question for a moment before responding. “That's complicated.” “How?” “You'll understand when you're older,” I responded instantly, trying to stop the topic. I didn't want to have him say no, and have my heart shatter completely. I hated this topic and wanted to avoid it as much as possible. Serenity just made a face at us and finished up her cereal. She then jumped down from her seat and headed into the living room. I finished up my cereal and followed her along with the guys. “Are you pouting now?” “Yes.” She was sitting in the middle of the room with her arms and legs crossed. “I see. Well, what would make you feel better?” “You kissing Papa.” “Huh? What? No?” I was thrown off completely. However, it looked as though Itachi and Kisame were also thrown off. “I can't just kiss someone who doesn't want to be kissed, Serenity.” “Maybe he does want to kiss you, Mama, maybe you just don't know it yet.” “Either way, it's not appropriate for someone to kiss someone else if they aren't romantically involved.” “Says the whore.” We all turned to the living room door to see Hidan standing there with Kakuzu behind him. “You know what Hidan, how about you just-” Kisame put his hand over my mouth before I could say something bad in front of Serenity. “Mama, what's a 'whore'?” “It's someone who sleeps around with multiple different people,” Kakuzu answered instead of me. “Hey! I don't do that anymore and I haven't done that in years! Therefore, I'm not a whore anymore!” “'Anymore',” Kakuzu stated in his normal voice with a hint of annoyance thrown in there. “Who do you think I'm sleeping with now?!” “We probably shouldn't be having this conversation around the child.” “Mama, do you want to sleep with Papa?” Serenity's innocent question nearly caused me to literally drop dead at that moment. However, within a second I recovered and responded to my child. “No, I don't.” “You don't?!” Hidan yelled out, completely confused. “My feelings aren't like that.” “How can you love someone and not want to fuck them?” I couldn't help but shrug as the adults in the room looked at me for an explanation. “I've loved Itachi since I was a child. My feelings didn't involve anything sexual then, and I guess they don't now. I don't know, I never thought of it.” “However, you loved Kisame and it was sexual, so you're capable of feeling such a thing.” Kakuzu simply stated causing Serenity to gasp out. “Mama is having an affair with Uncle Blue?” “What?! No, of course, I'm not! I'm not having an affair with anyone! That's impossible considering I'm still an independent single woman!” I was getting flustered and hearing Hidan begin to laugh at me, wasn't helping anything. “Mama-” “Nope! No more questions from you.” I instantly picked up Serenity into my arms. “It's time to go. It's getting dark now anyway.” I then glared at Hidan and Kakuzu before looking to Itachi and Kisame. “We'll see you two tomorrow. Goodnight.” Before anyone could say anything in return, I fled from the room with my child in my arms. Thankfully, no one followed us and we managed to make it out of the mansion without any trouble. Hopefully, tomorrow they'll have let go of the situation.

[crossroadsimagine]

Naruto University -Cha.2 Hidan

☰ This chapter is part of a multiple chapter story, if you haven’t started reading from the beginning please go here and begin reading from the beginning of the story.

In the sudden darkness you moved towards Hidan you knew he was beside you so you moved towards him accidentally bumping right into him a little roughly. You were about to apologize but to your surprise he grabbed your arm 

“Scared?” he asked in a taunting voice. 

Scared? No that wasn’t it, it’s not like you’ve never been through a power outage or a storm before, but you were uneasy because you were in a brand-new place surrounded by people you just met. Of course, you weren’t exactly comfortable about what was happening but there wasn’t very much you could do to fix the situation and it’s not like you could have prevented it. 

“No, not scared.” You admitted plainly,

“Yeah? You sure about that?” he questioned as though he clearly didn’t believe you for a moment.

“What do we do now?” you asked changing the subject, 

“Well I’m not so sure going outside in this with no power would be the best idea.” Konan explained in a plain tone, 

“Aside from that we might not be able to get inside other buildings.” Konan suggested though the way she was talking was almost like she was thinking out loud. 

“What do you mean?” you asked, but this time Pein spoke up 

“Most buildings on campus require your student I.D. to enter.” Though he didn’t seem very concerned, 

“Especially the dorms.” he added, almost like he could tell you just wanted to get back to the dorms but wouldn’t anyone in the situation. 

“So, what? We wouldn’t be able to get back into the dorms even if we got to the building?” you questioned. 

“That depends on if the power is out across the entire campus.” Konan suggested, 

“I suppose there’s no way of knowing if the dorms have power or not.” You sighed. 

“Who cares?” Hidan suddenly interrupted 

“We can just stay here for the night.” He said sounding annoyed like he didn’t understand why it was even a question of what to do. 

“Were just in a building full of classrooms!” you complained, 

“So? Would you rather be locked outside in the rain?” he questioned. 

Which as much as you hated to admit he had a point you certainly didn’t want to try venturing outside only to end up locked out, so any thoughts or ideas you had about braving the storm to get back to the dorms went right out the window, which honestly wasn’t so bad because you had planned to wait out the storm from the get go you just originally had planned to wait out the storm by yourself. 

Maybe you would feel differently if you actually knew these people better but you just met them so if felt strange to be waiting out the storm with them, and even stranger if you had to sleep in a classroom with them for the night. 

“If we’re staying the night maybe we should go back upstairs to a classroom.” Konan suggested, 

“Maybe we should find some flash lights or something?” you complained, 

“Let’s just make a fire.” Hidan said nearly interrupting you, 

“You can’t do that in school!” you objected 

“It’d be way faster.” Hidan argued. 

Suddenly you felt someone grab the back of your shirt by the collar, startling you a little 

“We’ll go find some lights and meet the rest of you upstairs.” Pein stated and you wondered if maybe he was getting irritated of all the talking and arguing, he directed you down the hallway holding your collar for a few moments before letting you go though you were a little concerned because it was hard to tell where he was in the dark. 

“How do you know if there will be any flash lights or candles or anything in here?” you asked, feeling like those weren’t things that you would just find lying around unless you were in a video game. 

“Most buildings have at least a maintenance room or closet.” He stated, 

“And if there’s nothing? Are we just out of luck?” you asked not really even that interested anymore but more so trying to make small talk feeling like silence would be more awkward. 

Suddenly you bumped into him as he stopped walking “Are you afraid of the dark?” he asked in a serious tone, 

“W-what!? No!” you exclaimed 

“That’s not why I’m asking!” you said quickly defending yourself. 

You felt him grab your wrist and were a little surprised, you weren’t sure if he was grabbing you because he didn’t believe that you weren’t afraid of the dark or if he just wanted to know where you were. 

It didn’t take long to find a maintenance room and luckily there was a flash light and emergency candles, you were pretty relieved that at least the two of you wouldn’t be going back empty handed to the others. 

Walking back to the others it was easy enough to tell where they were since Hidan certainly wasn’t quiet, and upon getting back to the others you gave Konan some of the candles and helped place them in the room. Thunder roared loudly over heard and it felt as though the very building vibrated from the thunder at times, and rain continued to pound against the windows. 

You walked over towards the windows to look out everything was pitch black it didn’t seem as though any of the other campus buildings had power either, you couldn’t see any lights in the distance or maybe the storm was just that bad where you couldn’t see any lights because of the rain and wind. 

“Now what?” you asked, though it was dark outside it felt too early to go to sleep or maybe more so you didn’t think you could fall asleep. 

“Well there’s not really a lot to do.” Konan admitted rather bluntly, 

“You can do whatever you want but don’t stray very far.” Pein stated, you couldn’t quite wrap you head around if he actually was considerate and cared about you or if he was just trying to keep control of the situation.

You spotted Hidan at the back of the room leaning again the wall close to the window watching the storm, he didn’t seem to mind the storm one bit and in fact seemed pretty amused by how bad the storm had gotten. 

You moved to the back of the room near him leaning against the wall beside him, 

“You seem rather happy considering the situation.” You pointed out, 

“What’s so bad about it?” he questioned as though he didn’t see the bad in the situation you all were in, 

“Wouldn’t you rather be back in your room for the night then here?” you asked, 

“What’s it matter?” he said looking at you a little confused, 

“You could at least sleep in a bed if you were in your room.” You suggested, which was mostly why you wish you could be back at the dorms right now, 

“That doesn’t bother me.” He admitted plainly, his carefree attitude was kind of amusing in this situation. 

“Does it bother you that much that you can’t go to your room?” he asked not sure if he was teasing but his voice sounded sarcastic. 

“I think I’d get more sleep that way.” You admitted, 

“But all things considered this could be a lot worse.” You explained. 

You watched the lightning crack in the distance for a bit longer before sliding down the wall to sit on the floor and it didn’t take very long to fall asleep once you tried.

You were startled awake when you felt someone gently shaking your shoulder and you blinked your eyes looking around, it was still dark outside and there were still a few candles burning. Glancing around you noticed that Hidan was sleeping sitting next to you and Konan gently touched your shoulder again, 

“What’s going on?” you asked.

“It’s still dark out but it seems as though the storm has passed.” Konan explained, 

“I thought maybe I could take you back to the dorms before classes start.” She said almost in a whisper. 

“Oh yeah! What time is it?” you questioned afraid classes would be starting soon. 

“Don’t worry you have hours before morning classes begin.” She pointed out laughing a little. 

“Oh okay, thank you.” You said in a happy tone quite thankful for her kind behavior towards you this entire time. 

“What? Are we leaving?” Hidan asked sounding a little sleepy as he woke up from where he was sitting. 

“We all should get moving.” Pein stated plainly. 

You gathered your things again and followed the others outside and waved good bye to Hidan and Kakuzu who went their separate ways, while Pein and Konan walked you back to the dorms. On the walk to the dorms you could tell there was a lot of damage from the storm and trees were down and leaves and branches were scattered across the ground. 

Pein and Konan stopped outside the dorms 

“I hope everything goes well with your classes.” Konan said with a slight smile, 

“Thank you!” you said happily and waved good bye to both of them before heading into the dorms.

■ Continue to Chapter 3 

– Relationship Points –

■ Hidan +5

■ Kakuzu +2

■ Pein +2

■ Konan +2

⇠ 1 ▪ 2 ▪ 3 ▪ 4 ▪ 5 ▪ 6  ⇢

[fictional-scenarios]

headcanons for Josuke, Polnareff, and Okuyasu having an s/o who's Stand allows them to remove body parts? Like they're in a fight and they get hit and their head or the top half of their torso just goes flying off and all that happens is their s/o just gets annoyed and asks the boys to help put them back together? I hope this is alright!

Hidan vibes

this is so interesting though omg… that would be such a sick ability? maybe not so cool for the person who has to witness you break apart but for the user? God I Wish That Were Me. -mod cassie

Josuke

Whether you tell him about your stand’s ability or not doesn’t matter. The very second any part of your body comes apart due to an injury or collision, he’s using Crazy Diamond to put you right back together in just seconds flat. You won’t have to worry about the annoyance of not being able to move due to the disconnection.

In another case, however, let’s say he’s already got Crazy Diamond occupied and can’t really come to your quick rescue. He’ll see your head come clean off and might have to take just a moment to steady himself because even though he knows you’re still alive and well, it makes his heart skip a beat seeing your literal body parts fly off. He won’t totally freak out and remain composed with his guard still up, but he might shout out to you asking if you’re alright and if you can reach your split up parts. If you can’t, he’ll try to end the fight as soon as possible or at least catch a moment that he can break away and fix you right up.

All in all, your ability doesn’t bother him really. The first few times it was pretty alarming and seemed to wrack his nerves, but it’s only because if you weren’t a stand user you’d be dead rather than the ability itself. Seeing a talking head doesn’t phase him, surprisingly. Once he gets over the worry that for some reason you stand might fail, he’s all good and even considers your ability to be incredibly useful and interesting. He tries to not bombard you but inevitably asks a lot of questions, really trying to learn all there is to know since he hasn’t met someone with a stand that can do things like that.

Polnareff 

Polnareff is a pretty nosy soul so odds are by the first time it happens, he knows about your ability and how your limbs can seemingly just… Detach. However, just knowing isn’t nearly enough to prepare him for when you’re blasted by the enemy in the gut, your upper half and lower half splitting up and hurling a few feet apart. He understands that you aren’t really dead and aren’t in any fatal danger, but that doesn’t stop him from shouting your name in a panic, watching your expression just to make sure you’re still alive. 

When you are, in fact, still alive and very annoyed you can no longer use your lower half he goes right back into battle and even pushes himself harder than before so he can hurry up and put you back together. If someone else is fighting alongside with the two of you he’ll ask them to cover him while he tends to you, re-connecting your body and helping walk it off if you need to.

As much as he says your power doesn’t bother him what so ever, he’s still a bit low key creeped out. He makes jokes that you’re like a real living doll that can come apart and then be put back together, and may even adopt to calling you ‘doll’ from time to time because not only does it have purpose, but it’s also a cute nickname. Win-Win.

Sometimes when the fight comes to an end and everyone’s alright, he may feel a bit silly for how he panicked during it. However, can you blame him? Even if you do know they’re okay, seeing your partner’s body cut in half is a pretty gruesome sight. Honestly, he thinks your stand ability is interesting but at the same time he could really do without seeing your limbs come apart.

Okuyasu

If for some reason you’ve neglected to tell him about your stand’s ability, Okuyasu has a borderline meltdown the first time he sees your head come clean off and bounce along the pavement. The sound of your body thudding against the ground is rather traumatizing for him and rings in his ears, and he’s absolutely losing his mind thinking he just watched you get beheaded right in front of his eyes. If he wasn’t wreaking havoc on the enemy already he really is now, showing no mercy and pulverizing the attacker for killing his precious partner.

When it’s all over and he sees your body he’s obviously crying, saying he was sorry he let this happen to you and that it isn’t fair. If Josuke’s nearby he frantically begs his friend to put you right back together.

Imagine the shock he feels when he hears your head start talking, a meek voice that says, “Oku it’s fine, just bring me my body.” 

At first Okuyasu is really weirded out by this ability. It’s not that it’s a bad one, but the sight of your head just casually talking to him like nothing’s wrong isn’t something he really wanted to ever see. However, once he gets past it, he’ll urge himself to drag your body to your head. As for the putting you back together portion, he’s clueless as to what you mean. If by ‘putting you back together’ you mean stitching, then you’re in luck. Years and years of street fights and no medical attention has trained Okuyasu for this moment, and you’re up and running in no time at all. 

The poor lad is probably still crying once you’re all back together and reassuring him you’re alright since, after all, for a hot second he really did think you were gone. It takes a bit of time to soothe him and once he’s calmer he promises to make every single moment with you count.

[barrimyr-adin]

Well here’s the Akatsuki Suppression arc notes

I hope you enjoy it because I sure fucking didn’t.

Ugh, i'm going to have to endure a bunch of Shikamaru bullshit in this arc.

Kishimoto is gonna turn Yugito into fodder, isn't he?

Asuma looked so douchey when he was younger.

I'd also like to know how he's doing all this ninja shit when he's been smoking for like twenty years.

I will admit that the OP music is pretty dope. I really like listening to it.

Is Konohamaru's voice actor also Ino's voice actor?

Part 1 Tsunade > Part 2 Tsunade

How is angrily stamping a bunch of documents while not even looking through them supposed to be taking your work seriously?

So why is Tsunade a princess but Naruto and Asuma aren't princes?

We all know damn well that the reason Kishimoto made Tsunade so "incompetent" is because she was the only female Hokage and Kishimoto fucking hates letting his female characters be good at anything other than being pretty.

I fucking hate these old dudes.

So Jiraiya just ditched Naruto and Tsunade to go on recon and didn't even stay in contact? What the fuck?

Pretty sure Kishimoto just needed him out of the way, because if he was there then he would have solved most problems super easily and Naruto wouldn't have had enough chances to act like a fucking moron.

The fact that Kakashi and Tsunade are encouraging Naruto's obsession with Sasuke is honestly disgusting.

Fuck you, Kishimoto. Just fuck you, you piece of garbage. Why do you hate women that much? You didn't just beat Yugito, you had to fucking disrespect her like that too!? And if you wanted her to lose, then you shouldn't have made her so badass in the first place. Fuck you, you were so damn lazy that you couldn't even give an explanation for how she was beat either!? For fucks' sake Kishimoto, just fuck off. I'm sick of your shit.

If this series wasn't anything other than garbage than Yugito would have fucking demolished Kakuzu and Hidan.

I hate how the Akatsuki can barely stand each other. Making the villains hate each other is a cheap way of dehumanising them.

You'd think Naruto would be more buff after three years of training with Jiraiya.

So is every Akatsuki pair just gonna be two douchebags who do nothing but argue about minor ideological differences?

This monk is dope as hell! Can he be the main character?

For fuck's sake, now we have to deal with these douchebags beating another person who should fucking wreck them.

And of course, we're not gonna get an explanation for how they win again. Because Kishimoto is lazy and has no respect for his story, characters, or audience. And apparently no one told him about the whole "show, don't tell" rule.

Am I honestly supposed to believe that Naruto "there-are-no-shortcuts-on-the-road-to-Hokage" Uzumaki is asking Kakashi to give him another trick to speed up his training? Somewhere along the path, Kishimoto entirely forgot who the fuck and what the fuck he was writing.

How the hell are we back to Naruto wanting to catch up with Sasuke? Wasn't like the entirety of Part 1 devoted entirely to that? And maybe you would be in the same league as Sasuke if you actually fucking did something in the past three years, Naruto.

Yamato is me right before exams.

I fucking love Sai.

So why are Sakura and Sai just sitting around marveling at Naruto instead of training themselves? I mean seriously, Kakashi, Yamato, you guys know they are also members of Team 7 right?

Sakura, why are you being passive aggressive towards your fucking elementary school teacher? If there's a teacher you should be pissed at, it's Kakashi.

Tsunade's plan seems clumsy as hell.

Aren't Ino-Shika-Cho supposed to be one of the closest teams? Why the hell are Asuma and Shikamaru going out with Izumo and Kotetsu instead of Choji and Ino? Does Kishimoto really not give a fuck about them at all? Don't answer that, I already know.

Like I heard about how people got pissed that Kishi pushed aside Ino and Choji to focus on Shikamaru but this is something else, man.

Is Sakura's character ever going to not revolve around another man?

Naruto, not bothering to rest is the dumbest fucking thing you could do. You know what Sasuke was doing when you guys found him? He was asleep. RESTING! Then he whooped your asses. The key to success is rest.

I thought his signature jutsu was the Shadow Clone Jutsu and the Rasengan.

Why do I feel like I missed a bunch of shit in the filler arc before this?

Like, I don't know who this monk dude was, but I'm gonna assume him and Asuma were boyfriends.

That bounty comment is kinda fucked up, Asuma.

How long is this ramen bullshit gonna go on for?

I literally could not give fewer fucks about Hidan and Kakuzu.

The reason I actually liked Kisame and Itachi is because they actually got along, especially in comparison to Orochimaru and his cronies. But fuck, the rest of the Akatsuki are just a bunch of assholes.

How is a change in chakra nature supposed to make the Rasengan stronger? The Chidori is both a change in form and nature but the Rasengan was more powerful (at least in Part 1 before all of Kishimoto's shitty retcons).

So from what I heard about Team Minato, I still think it's bull that Kakashi even knows the Rasengan. I think it would have made more sense if Obito, the obvious Naruto parallel, was able to learn the Rasengan through hard work but Kakashi the apathetic genius couldn't get it as easily as he got everything else, so instead he created the Chidori, something he could get easier. But to be fair, knowing the Chidori and the Rasengan and wielding the Sharingan helps with the whole image of being likely the most versatile ninja in the world, especially since Kakashi really hasn't been living up to his hype.

Are you really going to teach Naruto to create a new Rasengan before he's even mastered the normal fucking version?

I don't really get how a Rasengan with a change in chakra nature is considered unachievable? I mean, that's basically the Chidori.

I'm calling bullshit, Kakashi. You don't actually think that Naruto could surpass the fourth Hokage. If you did, you wouldn't having fucking ignored him for all of Part 1 and then just let him be taken out of the village. The only one of your students you believed in was Sasuke.

Naruto used to be the guy that nobody believed in. The kid that had to do everything on his own because nobody around him thought he was worth helping. Everyone thought he was a hopeless case. And i'm not saying that we still need that. But now we can't even have a single arc pass without like three or four people fucking raving about how much they believe in Naruto. It's like, for fuck's sake Kishi, how could you go so far from the heart of your series? How could you stray so far in the opposite direction from what was working?

You don't actually think you're going to fight the Akatsuki do you, Ino? Kishimoto is just gonna make you get your ass handed to you and then have one of his faves swoop down to save the day.

Choji is a really good friend.

For fuck's sake, Kishi. You couldn't even let Choji use his own fucking words? You just had to have it be about how kewl Shikamaru is. Ugh.

They were fucking, Shikamaru. Their relationship was obviously romantic.

Kakuzu, I really don't think you're allowed to just carry corpses into public bathrooms like that.

If the Akatsuki are known as international terrorists, then how the hell are they able to just go around wherever they want in their very distinctive robes without anyone giving a damn?

When did the Akatsuki become such fucking gimmicks?

Still pisses me off that we have Izumo and Kotetsu here instead of Ino and Choji.

Asuma seems to be overreacting to Hidan and Kakuzu. They've barely even engaged and Asuma's already making them out to be invincible.

I don't understand why Kishimoto is having such difficulty making Hidan and Kakuzu actually seem threatening. He refused to let us see how they beat Yugito, he refused to let us see how they beat the monk, and now Asuma is fearful of them for no reason. Kishi really forgot about the whole "show, don't tell" rule.

I see Kishimoto hasn't fixed Shikamaru's problem of sitting still for an extended period of time to think of shitty strategies while his opponent just fucking stands around doing nothing but watching him for no goddamn reason.

I get that all these shogi metaphors are supposed to make Shikamaru look smart, but they just sound like nonsense. It really just makes Shikamaru seem delusional. The battlefield is not a shogi set and your comrades aren't pieces. If you can't understand the situation without an elaborate metaphor about a board game, then you are a ridiculously limited strategist.

These monk techniques are fucking dope.

Immortal jerk is the only insult you could come up with, Shikamaru?

Asuma's Burning Ash jutsu doesn't make any sense but I'll let it slide.

The new OP shows a bunch of the Konoha 12 but its all lies. Kishi doesn't even remember that they exist.

Hidan went all hammy insane villain. How shocking. I've never seen that before. What a unique character.

I want to die.

I can't take Hidan seriously because he sounds like Billy Crystal.

I want you to imagine every scene with Hidan in it, but replace him with Mike Wazowski.

So Shikamaru was only able to save him because Hidan spent too much time screaming useless bullshit?

Yeah, guys. Shikamaru is such a badass. Such a genius. Incredibly intelligent ninja. Doesn't rely on luck or ridiculously stupid villains at all.

I fucking hate you, Shikamaru.

Thanks for reminding me about Sasori dying, Shikamaru. Still fucking angry over that.

Why would Shikamaru even doubt that Deidara is dead? Is Shikamaru's so-called intelligence ever going to make any sense or at least not be bullshit?

These fucking shogi metaphors are just getting goddamn annoying.

Look if you need to fucking stop time for 10 fucking minutes just to have your character analyse the situation then they're not a very smart character. And it's bad pacing and you're wasting time.

Your character is also not impressive if you need to make one of their opponents stand watching with their thumb up their ass instead of actually doing something for no goddamn reason just so they stand a chance.

So are Izumo and Kotetsu going to fucking do anything?

So how many more people are we gonna have to listen to kiss Shikamaru's ass?

Actually, there's really only one person kissing his ass. And its Kishimoto, who will never miss a chance to insert himself into the story in order to yell at the audience "LOOK AT SHIKAMARU, ISN'T HE SO COOL!?"

I swear, Kakuzu and Hidan are such fucking idiots.

Stitching Hidan's neck back together isn't going to change the fact that his inner organs have been sliced open.

So that super well-animated fight in the OP isn't going to actually happen? It was just for the OP? Man, fuck that.

The only person we've seen use crows is Itachi, so why is he attacking one of his own? Well, besides the bullshit plot twist I know is coming.

So who's this dude with the glasses and how's he going all Aquaman with the crows?

Jfc this taijutsu is horrible, it's only ever worth a damn either in OPs or in the ultimate climactic fights that the studios are saving up all their money for. But even so, this taijutsu is fucking trash to look at. Same with the Team Gai clone fights.

Holy shit, its Pain.

Not the voice I was expecting for Pain.

Where is he though? That is some fucking scenery.

I know I've already said this, but I really hate how the Akatsuki just turned into a bunch of douchebags just waiting to kill each other for no goddamn reason.

Is Shikamaru really trying to make Ino and Choji be quiet and listen to Asuma right  after he fucking yelled at Asuma to shut up?

Did Asuma just take his last fucking moments to fatshame Choji?

Man, Asuma really is a fucking dick.

Asuma, shut the fuck up. Shikamaru would be the shittiest fucking Hokage possible.

Man, Asuma. You sure are taking a long time to fucking die.

Asuma, are you going to spend all your damn time fatshaming Choji? It's not like his weight is holding him back as a ninja, in fact it's his strength. Maybe he'd be the super strong shinobi you wanted him to be if you spent some actual time training him instead of fatshaming him and playing fucking board games with Shikamaru.

Thanks for reminding me about how Shikamaru was promoted to chunin first. Still fucking pissed about that.

Is it bad that I felt literally nothing during Asuma's death?

Still think it's fucking stupid that Naruto still needs shadow clones just to make a normal Rasengan.

So in theory, Naruto could make several shadow clones and then then have all of them go through his Nine-Tails Transformation? Dude, no one could stand against him if someone just trained him to control the Nine-Tails' power.

Still think this shadow clone cheat is fucking bullshit.

It fucking sucks that Kishimoto thought making Sakura more violent was somehow actual development. She used to be one of the more intelligent, calm, and rational members of the team. Now she just threatens to beat anyone who disagrees with her.

Pain has been monologuing for so long that he's lost my attention. I know that he's explaining his intentions but it's dragging on for so damn long that I don't even care anymore.

Nevermind, it all just amounts to world domination anyways. So not much to even care about.

So the Wind Style: Rasengan is just a Rasengan with air pressure? How exactly is this superior to the Giant Rasengan? Or superior to making Naruto's training over the timeskip not shitty?

What's with this stylistic change in the Kurenai scene? Felt like I stepped into a psychological thriller.

I feel like we've seen Konohamaru cry at too many funerals. Can someone just give this kid a break?

Why does this lady have an irish accent?

"I'll be here for you" he says as he walks away from his own son while he's crying in agony.

Man, Shikamaru is a dick, Shikaku is a dick. Is there a Nara that isn't a dick?

Why are these fucking shots of Shikamaru's face and hands better animated than the fight Asuma died in?

Okay, I know I've said this before, but using shogi as a device designed to represent Shikamaru's intelligence is ridiculous.

Also why does it feel like the animation and art style have changed?

So why is it okay for Shikamaru to define the meaning of his life by vengeance but everyone gives Sasuke shit for wanting revenge against Itachi?

How the fuck did Kakashi and Tsunade just know to be at that specific place at that specific time? Wouldn't it have made more sense if Tsunade had brought Kakashi along in case they refused to back down? Its just stupidly convenient that the both of them just happened to know that Team 10 would be there at that specific time.

And why the fuck is Kakashi willing to go on this mission!? He tied Sasuke down to a fucking tree just to give him a speech on the futility of revenge, but he's perfectly willing to let Shikamaru go after revenge, even willing to help him? That's fucking bullshit. And yet another instance of Kishi going out of his way to make things go well for Shikamaru, even when all sense would point to everything going wrong for him.

And why not just bring Naruto instead of Kakashi? It's been established that Naruto is closer to Shikamaru than he is to others and he just mastered a new powerful jutsu. Plus you don't have to mess up his character to bring him along the way you have to with Kakashi.

Better yet, why didn't Kishimoto choose Kurenai instead of Kakashi? (the answer to this question is: sexism) At least then it would make sense for her to want revenge. Plus Naruto could continue training with Kakashi and maybe Team 8 could come in as back-up instead of Team 7. Give them some fucking focus.

Also, once again, Tsunade's characterisation has fucking sucked in Part 2. She used to be a very enjoyable character, now she's just an asshole who runs around shouting at people, letting everyone do whatever the fuck they want, and going on about how she believes in Naruto. I'm also sick of how everyone disrespects her, nobody acted this way towards Sarutobi.

Man, Kakuzu fucking dragged Hidan in front of the entire Akatsuki.

Tbh, Hidan is a fucking joke.

Wait, Ino is a skinchanger!? So dope!

That thing with Kakuzu and the bird was dumb in so many ways.

Jesus christ, did Kakuzu and Hidan really fall for that shitty fucking trap.

Shikamaru's new jutsu didn't even make sense. Not to mention that it came out of nowhere with literally no forshadowing.

I can't believe that Kishi is making Kakuzu fucking go on about Shikamaru being a good tactician when that was literally the flimsiest fucking plan possible.

They are really gonna drag out the process of Hidan mirroring Shikamaru's movements, aren't they?

So is Kakuzu a human puppet too like Sasori?

So Choji can harden his hair now? Since when could he harden his body at all?

I don't like how apparently every element is weak or strong against another particular element. It should be about the skill of the ninja, not about whatever fucking element they have. Plus, it just feels like it was shoehorned in right at the end.

To think that for a second I thought we were done with Kakuzu. I got my hopes up, thinking we were almost done with these fools' bullshit but nope. Kishi loves to torture me.

Kakuzu's special attack: getting uglier than usual.

Did Kakuzu just summon a bunch of No Faces?

Or were they hollows?

How the hell is your mask still on after that wind attack, Kakashi!?

Kakuzu named his giant fire attack after a headache?

Did Hidan just scream out "Heeyaah!"?

I feel like the animation has suddenly gotten so much better.

Or maybe not better, just... more fluid?

FUCK YOU, SHIKAMARU! I WAS SO READY TO SEE CHOJI WHOOP HIDAN'S ASS!

So are Choji and Ino gonna be able to do anything?

Oh yay, Kishi ruined Choji's character.

Why are you like this, Kishimoto?

So did Choji just conveniently forget to bring his clan's food pills?

Hidan and Kakuzu suddenly went from zero to badass in like a millisecond.

How did Shikamaru even catch Hidan in that Shadow Possession? Every other time he needed to make the hand signs just to keep the jutsu up.

So I guess of all the Akatsuki we've seen so far, Kakuzu seems to be the strongest. Though it still feels like a bunch of bullshit pulled out right at the end.

And Hidan seems to be the weakest, outside of Zetsu and Tobi who we haven't seen in action yet.

Well this new animation style is much more appealing, only problem is a lack of facial consistency.

So Kakashi has mastered earth style, lightning style, and water style?

When the fuck did Shikamaru become the protagonist of this series?

Seeing Hidan so chill is honestly unsettling me. He looks like me after I've failed an exam. Motherfucker just looks dead inside.

I don't get it. Was Hidan's jutsu connected to Shikamaru or Kakuzu? And if it was connected to Shikamaru, why isn't he finally fucking dead!?

So if it was Kakuzu connected to the jutsu, then what was that bullshit with Shikamaru about "not being deep enough"?

This may be the only time Shikamaru has actually been smart, although I still hate the whole masterplan-that-we-had-no-idea-about-being-revealed-at-the-end trope. It occasionally works with villains, but not with heroes. The protagonists shouldn't be misleading their own audience and in most cases it just feels like an asspull.

Also, even if the concept of Shikamaru's plan was smart, the whole thing would have fallen apart if Kakashi hadn't coincidently, conveniently, and nonsensically been in the right place at the right time and agreed to go with them (I still don't fucking understand why he went with them). Their whole plan would have been fucked if Kakashi hadn't been there, which shows bad planning and a lack of foresight on Shikamaru's part.

There will never be anything in existence as bullshit as Shikamaru splashing Kakuzu's blood onto Hidan's fucking needle of a blade as he's about to fucking stab him. Except maybe the fact that Hidan apparently didn't fucking notice it despite the fact that Shikamaru did it right in front of him. Like, he didn't even try to hide it.

Ugh, Kishi, if you want me to believe that Shikamaru is a genius then stop pitting him against fucking morons.

Did Kakashi just judge Kakuzu for killing without remorse when Kakashi is a fucking ninja?

AGAIN! WHY THE HELL IS KAKASHI OKAY WITH SHIKAMARU TRYING TO GET REVENGE!? He's not just fine with it, he's supporting and enabling it! It's completely out of character. After all that bullshit with Sasuke and the futility of revenge, he's just gonna do all the work so Shikamaru can get his revenge? Why?

Because Shikamaru is Kishi's self-insert, that's why. Fucking hate this character.

Why is Kakuzu even dead? Shouldn't he have three more hearts?

Why the fuck didn't we get to see Choji use that Expansion Jutsu: Super Slam on Hidan!?

Oh ffs, why is Kishi so insistent on not letting Choji and Ino do anything at all

im just so sick of this

Well, Kakuzu's back. When will I be free from this bullshit!?

I'm not complaining but why do all the Akatsuki members paint their nails

Hidan's laugh is depressing.

Did you really need to name each of them, Ino? As if everyone can't see them. And why the fuck did you leave out Yamato?

Sakura, we both know the smartest person in the Land of Fire is named Shino Aburame.

Of course Kishi had to insert a fucking flashback just to kiss Shikamaru's ass.

Apparently Will of Fire means being a lazy ass now.

How inobservant can Hidan be.

How many asspulls is Shikamaru gonna get?

And Asuma's ghost just randomly fucking appears? Yeah, that makes sense.

Why does Naruto have the slitted pupils but still has blue irises?

Ugh, it seems like Naruto has adopted Shikamaru's style of combat. Do almost nothing while your enemy just fucking watches.

Ffs, just let Choji do something!

How the hell does Wind Style: Rasenshuriken befit the Nine-Tailed Fox, Kakuzu?

When I heard about the Rasenshuriken, I imagined Naruto changing the shape of the Rasengan, making it thinner but wider and spinning at speeds high enough to slash through things. I imagined it being his own unique creation, a long-range Rasengan that could be thrown. Which would allow him to cover his bases and make up for his weakness when at long distance. But nope, it's just the Rasengan but bigger. Which is redundant considering he already has the Giant Rasengan.

And of course, Naruto fucked up again. Can you do anything right?

Didn't Kakashi say he's already used the Chidori four times that day? Isn't that his limit? Shouldn't he be fucking dead!?

Even Choji notes that the Rasenshuriken is fucking stupid.

Seriously, what's up with Naruto's eyes?

Ffs, Naruto you can barely do anything at all but you're talking about surpassing the Fourth Hokage? Man, fuck off.

And once again, Naruto is putting his pride before the mission. And somehow this is supposed to be endearing. And for some stupid fucking reason, everyone's okay with it. And for some even fucking dumber reason, Kakuzu hasn't killed them all yet.

Why do these deer look like demons?

He isn't that good, Sai. The author just loves the taste of his ass.

I'd say that I hope Hidan gets out and destroys the whole village one day, but let's be honest, Hidan is such a dumbass he wouldn't be able to get anything done even if he did get out.

A long preparation time is supposed to be a disadvantage to an attack, usually added only to extremely powerful attacks. But in this dumbass series, that doesn't matter because your opponents will always just fucking sit there and watch you do your stupid fucking preparations instead of actually fighting you.

I think the animation went back to its old style.

If Kakuzu is so focused on Naruto, why doesn't Ino just take the opportunity and use her Mind Transfer Jutsu to take control over him? This whole thing could have been fucking solved 10 episodes ago if Kishi gave a damn about his side characters.

God, the Rasenshuriken is fucking ridiculous.

Is it just me or has Kakashi gotten hotter?

Naruto hasn't surpassed you in the fucking least, Kakashi.

This is the fucking fifth time Kakashi has used the Chidori today! How is he not fucking dead!?

Man, Kakashi can be a real savage when it comes to trash talk.

Why the fuck are we seeing Shikamaru interact with Kurenai but not with her own fucking team?

ugh why do i ask questions i already know the answer to

did shikamaru just like.. lay claim on Kurenai's baby? he didnt even fucking ask her or anything

jesus christ even the pieces are the same. just call the fucking game chess

i feel like shikamaru has gotten even more arrogant than he was before

so naruto's body can regenerate the incinerated flesh after entering the four-tailed form but he can't take some extra chakra and wind pressure? that makes a lot of fucking sense

....

i just wanna die

so apparently the rasenshuriken is basically the eight trigrams sixty four palms ghdvuybfdjgfjwkjfdjJUST FUCKING KILL ME

it doesnt even make sense!

thats not how fucking wind works!

and when the hell has naruto ever been precise!?

and why can't he just heal!?

why am i still watching this trash series?

who the fuck is this lady orochimaru wants and why should i even care

how the hell is the rasenshuriken gonna be a last resort when he can't fucking do anything else?

IM FINALLY FREE

IM DONE WITH THIS FUCKING ARC

I DONT HAVE TO KEEP WATCHING THIS FUCKING SERIES

IM FREE

YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH